It's a GREAT day to be alive!

I know you have all be anxiously awaiting my last post of the month, concluding my month of gratitude, but somehow I have a feeling this isn't going to be my last gratitude entry. I spent the majority of my day sorting through boxes.. Not, just any old junk box, that you stuffed under your bed last year, and have been ignoring. No, these boxes are full of genealogy.

When I was growing up, there was one thing my grandmother loved more than cooking, or her grandchildren, it was genealogy. My grandparents had an entire room dedicated to this, not to mention the 3 computer, and 2 newspaper scanners-you know the kind at the library that are really fun to play around with. Yes, it was an obsession for her. I even remember not even really being allowed in the genealogy room, cause heaven forbid any of us kids messed something up. Needless to say, I've spent the last two days sitting on my living room floor sorting through boxes, pictures, and thousands of hand written notes that my grandmother scratched out all her thoughts. I cried a little as I opened the first box, and I could smell that room again, the dust, and old paper smell. I felt as if I were standing in that little room again staring at the stacks of paper.

I love that my grandmother kept so many things, I am pretty sure, every letter sent and received in regards to her heritage was kept, not to mention hundreds of pictures, of faces I don't even recognize. Or how she managed to keep my little doodles from when I was 3, she even dated them. Now, obviously I don't have a lot of room for my grandmothers things, and a lot of unnecessary books will be donated to good-will. But, I managed to make a huge dent and went from a dozen boxes to about 8. In my defense, she has a lot of binders, chuck full of tons of stuff.

My grandmother was amazing, and up til her memory began to fail her, along with her health. She truly accomplished so many things. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined I would be sitting her surrounded by her work, attempting to make sense of my family history nearly 20 years after my earliest memory of that genealogy room.

Before I came to earth, I made a decision to join a family, to be apart of a lineage, and I can honestly say, I am so blessed, and grateful to be me. I am grateful to have a testimony in my faith, to know I am sealed to my husband for eternity, and I am so grateful to know that although my infertility has hindered me from having my own children, one day in the near future, I will kneel across the alter once again with my husband, and we will be sealed to our adopted children. I can be mad at my infertility, or I can rejoice in the knowledge, that whether they are my biological children or not, I will be sealed to them forever.

Be thankful to be you, for the people in you life, and for every breath you take. You are able to walk, talk, express yourself, and to love unconditionally.

I am so glad I took this month to remind myself what I am truly grateful for, and how blessed I am in so many areas of my life, and for once, I truly feel that my dreams will be accomplished, and more than ever to I feel self worth, and comfort. Thanks for helping me on my journey, and I as far as I can tell, it's going to be a wonderful year.

count your blessings

It is almost the end of January.. Have you made the start of your year, everything you wanted it to be? Did, you stick to working out, or organizing your life, home, time? Or did you manage to let those things fall by the way-side, once again? I can say, thus far, I managed to slip a little on one of my goals, working out is hard business.. But I am proud of myself, that I managed to get on my blog, almost everyday and type words together, and made some sort of interest of myself.

At the beginning of this month we were looking up, Jon was going to be taking the boarder patrol exam, and I was going to school. We had a plan for things, even if we were just getting by, or clipping coupons, we had a plan. Til, Jon came home early one night from work, and announced he had been fired. It all kind of came crashing in at once. We took it in stride, and started looking for more work. January, has been kind of a stinker of a month, and I know it hasn't been just for our family. It seems as though, the beginning of this year, is turning into something that weighs heavy on the hearts of everyone. Lost jobs, hours, wages, dampers dreams that so many had. Instead of feeling rejuvenated, and eager to the year, looking forward with bright eyes, we are now forced to covers our faces, and shy away from change.

Don't let it be that way, don't allow yourself to feel like the world has turned on you. For once, look up. Even if the darkness is suffocating, and you feel that giving up is a better solution. You that there is an end, and a light there waiting for you. We have so much to be grateful for, even if the only thing we have in our pockets are a couple of peanuts, and some lint. Money isn't our happiness, unfortunately we need it, in order to purchase the things of necessity, or a place to live. But, happiness is an emotion, and last time I checked, Walmart doesn't put emotions on the shelf for purchase.

The Lord has instructed his people to count their blessings, to recognize the small things in our life, that bring us the most joy. Once a week I sit around the kitchen table with my best friends, and their husbands, and we spend hours laughing, and enjoying each others company. Those moments, I truly feel my happiest.

So for today, I am grateful for everything... I am grateful for having trials in my life, even if I am so upset at that moment, and I can feel the stress start to wrap it's long skinny fingers around my neck. I get down on my knees and I ask the Lord to bring be comfort, and to bless me in my efforts. Don't be afraid to ask your neighbor for a cup of sugar, or for prayers that are truly needed. Find joy in journey, and strive to serve whenever you can.

I am grateful for unconditional love in my life, for dirty dishes in the sink from a meal well cooked, or from dirty footprints left by the friends who enter my home. For everything that allows me to feel alive, and reminds me that there are more important things then having the best of everything, or the shiniest toy on the playground. I love my life, and even if at the end of January, neither my husband nor I have a job, but we have enough to get by, pay our bills, and enough love to make all the dark days that much brighter.

It may be the end of January, and we are slowly making a dent into the new year, but you can still make those goals you set, better yet, you can set new goals, and remember you are never alone, for the Lord will always hear, and answer your prayers.

boxes, and packing tape

Today, I spent the day with my bestie J, once again, can I just tell you I love this girl. Seriously, I think we have a better relationship, than we did in highschool, and we were pretty dang awesome back then. I mean for crying out loud, people thought we were twins.. It didn't help that we walked around in our dance uniforms, and wore headbands that had our names on it.. and since they both start with "J", it just added to the twin reputation.

Well, my wonderful friend, and her dear husband, are moving, like I informed you last time. I have been given the great opportunity to help them out. Yes, I volunteered for this, and Yes, it's totally worth it.

I decided to snag a quick pic of the plates as we were packing them up. J loves these plates, and I can say, I love them too.


Now, I just want you all to know, I am not responsible for the box picture, that was all J and her hubby. It was rather entertaining, and the fact that B picked up his burrito off the coffee table, and stuck it up underneath the box, and continued eating like nothing was going on. Yeah... about that.


Yeah, it turned out to be one heck of day, I ended up with stained fingers from wrapping all the breakable stuff in newspaper, and smelling of grapefruit cleaner. I know moving can be a pain in the you know what. But, when you have good company, it makes it all that much better.

So for today, I am grateful for opportunities to serve, I love giving to those around me, and knowing that the little things I do, HOPEFULLY mean the most. It is rewarding, and sometimes just what you need when looking for a few blessings from the Lord. So, if I ever ask to babysit, your child, and or small animal.. I do mean good, I love helping out, and even if it's a little back breaking, it always makes my day.

pictures I promised

So, I am a little late on the follow-up but give me break, I've had a busy two days. Enjoy! and I realized as I was putting them up... I am in love with vertical photographs. Don't judge me.

Just so you are aware, this is the Mt. Timpanogos Temple, in American Fork, UT. I love this temple, it truly is a sight to see as you drive through Utah valley. It is the tallest thing here... well besides our mountains.




This is my bestie J, it's awesome to have a friend who has the same interest as you do. Man I got lucky with my friends!




These last two, are of a bird house in my backyard. If there is one thing my dear Mommy-in-law loves, that is her birdhouses. Needless to say, I love them too!

what kinda jerk does that?

So I spent the day with my bestie J, I love her to death, and I seriously am so blessed to have both her and my friend BB in my life. When we all get together with our husbands, and it's just so much fun, I wish the night were a little longer..

So this afternoon, we spent some time taking photo's, I wish we had spent more time doing so, because I love my camera, and it's been a while since we have really gone out and taken photos. I will have to post some of those after this one, since they are already up on my other computer.

After taking photos, picking up some moving boxes for my friend J, who just informed today, that they got the apartment they were waiting for! Yeah for them! We then stopped for gas, which is where the title and the picture below come from... Yes, poor J, she went to go get gas, and someone had locked that little pin in place, the one that basically holds the handle to pump it's self... It was open, and sprayed all over the side of her car.. So although you can't see it, and it isn't nearly as funny as when she picked up the squeegy and was wiping off the side of her car. It still is entertaining, and we decided that karma will settle this.. really? what kinda jerk does that??


After getting gas, J got lucky and found this awesome Pram, and decided she had to have it, that and she has an awesome unnamed family member who was willing to gift her $100 for it.. But since we had to drive an hour to get there, we were able to get it for $80. SCORE!

It's super cute, and I cannot wait to see what she does with it!

Also, TMI moment, I am doing my lady business this week... I was thinking about it,all things considered, even if I am infertile, at least the Lord is being nice enough to grant me some peace of mind... No mood swings, pms, cramps, or bloating... ahh, yes. just perfect. Thanks God, for being so kind to me, well sort of.. But still, I appreciate it.

So for today... I am grateful for

*best friends
*long car rides
*yummy twizzlers
*moving boxes

and last but not least, moments of grace from God, it may be rather pathetic, but I am grateful, that my periods are not as miserable as they could be.

Oh I had a really great idea, I think it would be really awesome, if on February 1st all my bleeps, did one post on gratitude. I challenge you to find 5 things that you are grateful for, and blog about it. Let me know, cause I would love to know what you are grateful for!

I'm only human

So, on days like today, where time seems to move just a little bit slower, and it seems like there is really nothing to do.. I sit... and I day dream.

I just to think about what it would be like if you had a baby, or a child for that matter. I get excited about it, and then I think about my infertility, and then I get a little sad. But, as time goes by, I am slowly starting to think more positively towards the aspect of adoption. I like to think about adoption, I like to think about that dream I had a few months ago, obviously very vivid, and inspirational.

When I was growing up, I remember saying "I don't want to adopt, I'd rather have my own biological children".. Yeah, I think if I could travel through space, I'd kick myself, all things considered I never thought I would be one of those gals standing on the outside looking in. It sucks, yeah, but honestly, I feel like my attitude is improving about the whole situation, and I am just starting to understand, that although my plan for being a mother may have changed, the ultimate goal has not.

Tonight, while I was babysitting, and the little boy I tend to was sitting on my lap, we were watching Monsters Inc. Jon had attempted to get little D, to sit with him again like last week, and little D, was haven't none of that, and that's when I say the little ting of jealousy flash across my sweet hubby's face. I turned to Jon, and asked him if this made him wanted children, Jon blushed, and looked away, and held up his fingers telling me just a little bit. I think, this is truly one of the first times, since we have really put an effort to have children, that Jon has shown that much interest. I truly feel, he is ready to be a dad, and I had to joke back tears, like I am doing now.

So, for today, I am grateful to be a "parent" I may not have any children right now, biological or not. But in small ways, every now and then, I get to show love to one of God's little spirits. Sitting on the ground, terribly uncomfortable, my back aching, but little D, was just enjoying himself, and rather loved sitting on my lap. I cannot wait for my children to just enjoy sitting on my lap, watching Monsters Inc. with Jon and me. I love them already, and they aren't even here, yet.

So, for every time you want to pull your hair our, cause the kids are driving you crazy, just remember there are so many women who would die for that. We are truly blessed, and I am reminded often that the Lord only gives us trials he knows we can handle, and sometimes open a window, to give a little glance of heaven.

It's about LOVE

So, I was surfing the web, get my blog-stalk on. I just recently started following this blog. Unfortunately before I could even get addicted, she posted a blog stating she was ending her blog.. I am kind of sad. But seriously if you want a good life, and a brief idea of how SOME Mormon women act, you should read her blog. You should know however, it is completely made up, and it's just a mock-blog, more or less.

Well, why I was browsing her blog, I noticed a few buttons. Family looking to adopt. I know I already was showing support for one gal-pal looking to adopt, but I thought, why not set up a page, and allow anyone who is looking to adopt the chance to have their button up. So, if you, or someone you know is looking to adopt, and they have a button, send them to my page, tell them to drop me a line, and I will get your button up.

I think it would be awesome to perhaps highlight an adopting couple every now and then, and want to really help get the word out.

I know one day, that my husband will be that couple, the oh-so cute blog, with our story, and our button. So, I figured if I want the love shared for us, I would to share the lovin' for everyone else!

go figure

Wow, who woulda' thought that a blog I follow, that gal would be talking about the same thing I was. She posted a great quote, and I would really like to share that with you..

You can read that here.

Enjoy, and I hope that now we are half way through our week, you are looking up, and looking forward to February, and celebrating love!

I'm a cheetah

Today, I found out I am a cheetah... Well, at least that's what my paper told me after I answered all the questions. It was an evaluation of how you work in a group. Basically I think fast, act quickly, and pounce on anything that moves.

After chasing down breakfast, and then finishing class, I came home, mopped the floor, and made taco's for lunch. I love days like this. Where I get all the boring stuff out of the way, and then get to spend time with my husband.

So, as you know, well as you should know, since I was ranting about it the other day.. I know someone who is pregnant. Are you surprised? What infertile doesn't know a pregnant lady? Or at least seen one in the past 24 hours? Any who, this gal, I am over the moon happy for. She and her husband having been trying to conceive for just over a year and half. It was a bumpy road for them, and after failed attempts, and many, many test, she is officially knocked up!

and yes I cried while I read her blog... but happy tears, the kind you get in church..or at a wedding.

It's days, and weeks, years, and moments like this, that are totally worth this fight. Although, this time, I am not the one posting my ultra-sound photo on my blog. There are thousands of other women who are living with this same struggle, who greatly deserve this.

Today, I am grateful, for fulfillment, to know that chasing dreams comes to an end at some point, and become real. To know that no matter how hard our struggles are, we can always over come them, one way or another.

We may not like the path laid before us, but in moments where all hope is lost, and we over come with despair, the Lord is always there to walk by us, and hold us up when we can barely find the strength to stand.

I have to brag...

Okay, so I got a on to look at blog today, and can I just tell you I am a little proud of how my blog looks. It isn't over the top, and I pretty much am in love with it. :)

So I have to admit I had a much better day today, I went to class, enjoyed the company of my besties, and got to have some good ol' quality time with the hubby. I do have to tell you that I was slightly bummed when I walked out of class this morning and found 4+ inches of snow, that wasn't there when I walked inside less than 4 hours earlier..

Now, if you have never been to Utah, let a lone when it snows, you are missing out on what terrible drivers the lot of us seem to be. I consider my self a decent driver, all things considered, one speeding ticket, and zero accidents. I know that doesn't make you driver of the year, but really, I do pretty dang good.

Well after leaving class, and being stuck behind the drivers who forget how to drive in snow... Yes, my little sister is one of these drivers. She is terrified of snow. Don't tell her I told you... So passing 3 accidents, 2 drivers stuck in the snow drifts. I finally made it home, a little freezing, and I hadn't realized that while getting in my car I brushed some snow off the roof of my car, onto my seat, and managed to spend 20 mins sitting in snow, and my big bum, managed to soak it all up, and not even realize it. Duh...

Also, never live on a hill that is steeper than 45 degrees...
Cars+hill-snow tires+snow=no bueno for me.
Luckily, I have spent much time practicing getting up my hill, and I took the long way around.

So for today, I am grateful for God's miracles(yes-snow is counted as a miracle, especially when I don't have to be out in it.), grateful for snow tires, grateful for husbands who know a lot about cars and who know how to teach their poor wives to properly drive in said snow. I am also very grateful that the snow plows never miss our street. I guess the perk to living next to a Fire-Chief, so I am grateful for that too.

I spent so much time these past few weeks, thinking that I had to have huge things that I needed to be grateful for, and thinking I needed to be over the top with everything. But with days like today, the little things really do mean a lot.

Finding Gratitude

So... The past few days have pretty much been a drag. I haven't even really done anything. This includes getting out my pajamas. Don't judge. Along with feeling a little down in the mouth, it's rather a struggle to find things to be grateful for.

I do however need to rant, I seriously think that pregnancy ladies go in cycles. For every gal that's preggers, two more pop up, and then 3 months later 3 more ladies are pregnant. It is a never ending cycle. Maybe we should move to a state where people just aren't that pregnant that often. Suggestions are greatly appreciated it.

I know that I'm only human, so please don't hold it against me if I sulk over to the corner and have a temper tantrum.

Okay now that the rantings are out, and you know I am in a mood. We can get on with it.

For the past few days I have really felt like I have had nothing to do. I have been hoping and praying that I would be getting a phone call, or my husband would be getting one, asking us to come and work for them. But alas no such phone calls have taken place.So for today, yesterday, and every day that I sit here wishing and hoping. I am grateful for opportunities to work. To have something to look forward to every day, and know that you are supporting yourself and your family. I am grateful for satisfaction in a job well done.

I would never wish this situation upon my worst enemy, to be jobless, and feeling the strain. It has truly been a humbling experience, and I hope that jobs happen for us quickly.

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. We are truly grateful for those willing to offer such kindness.

Cook, Bake, & Decorate!

Okay, I pretty much, have the coolest cousins ever! I know I don't see them that often, but I love them a ton, and I enjoy the time we do share. Well I have a wonderfully talented cousin, who always comes up with too cute ideas whether it's cookin' up something good, or decorate her for cute home. It also doesn't help that her daughter is the most darling thing you have ever freakin' seen!

Well this is her blog, I cannot tell you how much I adore this. Plus all of her crafts, and cookin's are super easy.

I thought I'd share the love, and hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Love you Mur!

what I would give for some sleep!

Can I just tell you that is has been the craziest last few days. I seriously am so exhausted. We spent Thursday evening babysitting. This is a pic of the the cutest little boy, who warmed up to my husband rather quickly, an cuddled up with him on the couch. It was adorable. He is gonna be such a good daddy one day!



After that we went over to the church an busted out the wedding set up, Mormon style. Unfortunately we forgot the sprite and sherbet. I am serious, majority of weddings I have attended, have all served this! (I want you to know we did not serve this at my wedding, over my dead body!) After getting things set up, my little sister came over, and I put her hair in curlers, her hair doesn't curl very well, an thankfully these things work like a charm, so in the morning we just brushed them out, and pinned back her hair, it looked great!

So Thursday night I wasn't in bed til about 2, up at 6, gone by 8:15, they were married a little after ten. More pictures.... Luncheon, and a small break before the reception. It was non-stop. Oh and to top that off, I have to help my sister pack... with the majority of the clothing she was taking, belonging to me. Of course, right?

Another thing, cute red high heels... not so cute after 3 hours of standing in them. so with about an hour spent taking pictures, and more time running around, hugging, and chatting to people I hadn't seen in years. After it was all said and done, and around 10 o'clock at night, it was all said and done. Although, I have to tell you, I got a call from my little sister shortly after I got home. She had left her tennis shoes at my house, and found my keys in her purse.. Yeah it was one of those days.

So, in the past two days, I have learned a few things that I am grateful for.

-little children, even if they aren't mine, I still love them, they teach me so much, and are always wonderful to watch them grow, and explore.

-for my best friend, and little sister E. Jo, I got so lucky when it came to little sisters, she seriously know how to have a good time.

-for those who are willing to go the extra mile, and go out of their way to help you out, thanks B.

-for marriage, for what it has brought to my life, no matter what background you have, no matter what religion, your life, and home can be heaven on earth, when you find the person you are meant to spend eternity with.

I know there are more, but honestly those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I am truly very blessed.

Congratulations to E. Jo, & D. I love you guys.

I think I piddled in my pants a little.

So this morning was once again, up early, quick breakfast, then out the door. Which upon getting out to the car, it wouldn't start... My husbands car has issues when it's cold outside... I guess that means we need to move to the beach. HINT HINT!

So, we decided to take my car... er.. um.. yeah, my husbands car, was parked behind my car.. great. So we spent another 5 mins trying to work my car out from in front of his, without hitting the garage door. Did I tell you about the slush, and the slanted drive-way I have? Or the fact that my shoes have no traction? I almost lost my footing.

I spent the majority of this morning, participating in family activities, and since we are just days away from sisters wedding. Things are getting hectic around here. My body is so tired, and drained of all energy. I seriously cannot wait for Thursday afternoon.. I am taking a nap, and catching up on some sleep.

So this afternoon, after we ran out of gas.. another long story..We finally made it to the gas station after my wonderful mother-in-law rescued us. Thank you Shell! So we are pulling out of said gas station, and I don't know about you, but I have this terrible fear of turning left across a busy road. I just HATE it! I will drive around an extra 5 mins to avoid crossing traffic. So my husband was looking back and forth and there was a ton of traffic, and it seemed to be clearing in between lights, and this huge dumpster truck is turning left on the street we are on, and as he turns there is this perfect opening. So just as my hubby starts to take off to cross traffic, this yellow sports car, comes out of nowhere, Jon says nowhere. I say he was driving behind the dump truck out of sight. Needless to say, the other car swerved, we hit the brakes. I am screaming, and we barely missed each other.

Phew! That was close. I didn't speak to Jon for about 10 mins. I was shocked, and angry.. Jon knows that I can't stand the way he drives sometimes, but moments like this.. oh boy do they get under my skin.

Needless to say... I almost piddled my pants. From now on, we have decided that when he is in the car with me... to just DRIVE AROUND!!!

So today, I am thankful for guardian angels. For moments where you know in your head that it should have gone wrong, and at the last second, you were saved. I know we have guardian angels. I know that someone is watching over me. I am just so thankful that on days like today, we made it out in one piece.

I am also thankful for seat-belts... just wanted you to know.

Ritzy Pork Chops

Okay I love this recipe, and I promised I would post it for some of ladies, so enjoy it bleeps, and seriously it is like the best thing ever!

2 boneless pork chops (or skinless chicken breast) 1 Tbsp parsley flakes

1/2 cup plain yogurt or sour cream. (I use sour cream, much better.)

1/4 tsp. pepper 10 Ritz crackers

1/4 cup Parmesan cheese 1/2 can of cream of chicken

1 tsp. garlic powder 1/2 cup canned milk

Crush the crackers to make coarse crumbs. Mix crumbs with Parmesan cheese, garlic powder, parsley, salt, and pepper. Pour mixture into zip-top bag or shallow dish. Dip chicken into sour cream(or yogurt) and then in crumb mixture to coat pork chops(or chicken). Place pork chops in baking pan. Bake at 425 for 50-60 minutes or until pork is crisp and golden brown. Mix soup and milk. Heat through and pour over pork.

Okay a few things... I never do the cream of chicken stuff. I just make gravy.. I like it better. Also I don't really cook the meat that long... I think it makes it too dry.. So just watch the meat, and check til it's cooked through. I love this dish. I hope you enjoy... Perhaps adding a few recipes every now and then might be a new thing. I love to cook, enjoy!

all that jazz...

So today, I seriously have been going non-stop since six this morning. Ugh, you know that annoying sound your alarm makes, yeah, the buzzing noise.. Well on days like today, it's even worse on days like today. Nails on the chalk board kind of awful.

But, my day was filled with class, movies, interviews, appointments, deadlines, meetings, and last but not least an oh so over due Guard Party.. No worries I'll fill you in on the Guard thing. But come on, I don't even have a job, and I had so much stuff to get done..

Well, this evening I spent some much needed hours, in the living room, of my good-friend Jenny Lynn. Who happened to be the instructor of the Color Guard, of the high school I attended.If you don't know what that is... you know when you are watching a parade? and you see the girls marching with them spinning the flags.. Yeah, that was me..Please contain the laughter.

Well it was simply wonderful. We laughed, and at moments I am sure someone was crying. We watched old Guard films, watched our performances, and all the while soaking up all the time we could with one another, before we scampered back to our lives, and perhaps another long wait before we see each other again.

My friends are all married, having babies, being pregnant, and I am the one little gal over in the corner, waiving the white flag... I know there were single gals there, and that is probably hard enough.. But seriously, I doubt your uterus is broken.. you have no worries, even if you aren't hitched yet. I know this is starting to sound like a downer post, but I will stop ranting.

So today, I am thankful for my Guard girls. I am so grateful for the history we have shared, and to know that there were so many good influences in my life, I don't know what I would do if I had not met so many great friends. My parents moved when I was 15 and I was lucky enough to transfer from one team to another.

You are the influences that I needed, and the friends I am so grateful for. I know we may not be close right now, but I consider you all my sisters. I can't even tell you how much I adore each and everyone of you.

I am proud of past, for the moments I spent with these ladies, and how much they have enriched my life!

Sorry I totally spaced!

Here are a few of the photos I took for my little sisters and her cute little hubby to be. Congratulations Josepheen! I love you!

it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got

Well, today started out great, as I woke up and looked in the mirror and realized my eyes were puffy, a result of crying the night before. I got rather flustered last night..

Here's the story. If you don't know already, I am LDS, Mormon, or as some people like to call us. "the crazy people". In my religion, we believe in doing ordinance work on behalf of our deceased loved ones. Well my grandmother died in 2009, and so this past October in 2010, we had the opportunity to do her ordinances. I got online, to reserve her information in order to do so, and guess what? Some crazy lady had reserved the information, and it left me feeling a little s.o.l.

So I jet off an email to the stranger, text everyone in my family, trying to put the puzzle together, then I spent another 30 or so mins crying... Just because I called dibs on it, and dang it all. I am gonna get my way. Well thankfully my father responded to my text, and we found out that the stranger, wasn't really a stranger... It was some distant cousin twice removed, and replaced with Scotch tape. Well today I would like to announce I am now the owner of said information of my grandmother, and can now do her ordinance work.

Also today was also exciting.. I took my sister's bridal/groomals today. We had lots of fun, and hopefully I will get a pic of the happy couple up on my blog. I am happy for her. It's an exciting time in their lives, yet also very nerve wracking. Happy for them.

So for today, I am grateful for having things that I need, and things that I want. For knowing that I am in place with so many freedoms, and luxuries. I am grateful for the roof over my head, food on the table, and never failing love of those around me.

Now go hug someone special, kiss them... maybe once or twice, and tell them you're so grateful to have them in your life.

Sunday meetings

So, today at church, we sat in the very, very back row. It's nice back here. 1. my husband doesn't sing, and neither does anyone else in the back row. So this way there is no pressure to pull out the hymn book. 2. No one really notices when you sneak in a little late.. Thank you alarm clock. But we sat in the back, and as the meeting seemed to linger on, I noticed a family, that I have known for years. Even before I moved into this ward. They have THE cutest little girl, who is handicapped. But the mother, we will call her Mrs.S, does such a great job, of tending to her daughter, and dressing her up in the cutest home made outfits, and head bows. Seriously she is super crafty, and yes I am a little jealous of her.

So, for years this sweet couple has avoided having another child, mainly because they were told the chances of them having another child with the same disability lingered like a black cloud over the subject. As we sat that, I wondered to myself, her trial, of deciding whether to have more children, at the risk of having another child with the same condition, is kind of like infertility. Wanting something so badly, and knowing that there are things out of your control. I wanted greatly to walk up to her and tell her that I understood. Even if it were on such different levels, she is mourning a loss, so to speak.

Well, I also happened to remember that she had connections on getting really good deals on ribbon, and since I need a lot of it for my coming soon etsy shop, I figured I'd scoot over after the meeting was over, and strike up a conversation.

Mrs. S, so I know you have access to some really cheap ribbon? She giggled, and then proceeded to tell me that she gets the ribbon when she goes back East, and won't be going back for a while. I was suddenly very saddened, and just figured that it wasn't a high priority, she then blurts out. "But it's for a good reason.... I'm pregnant!"

My jaw dropped, okay maybe not physically, but in my head. I'm over there in the back row, looking like an idiot to myself... No but come on, how freakin' exciting is that! I felt so blessed at that moment to have been shared some pretty awesome news. I am sure I am the only person in the neighborhood to know.. And for anyone on in the ward who happens to read my blog.. No going and telling people, it's her good news to tell.

So today, I am grateful for rewards. For feeling joy for someone else, and knowing their trials are over, and their faith is enough to try again. I know that this sweet little family deserves those blessings, and to know that they are already amazing parents. I love them, and will keep them in my prayers.

It was a great experience and it taught me that instead of making assumptions about others, reaching out, and talking to them is so much more rewarding, then sitting in silence, and have pitty for something that needs no attention.

on a side note

So, this isn't going to be the typical gratitude post of the day. Instead I wanted to highlight a blog that I read, and really needed to be shared. This gal touched on a topic, that I know many people feel strongly about, and I just want you all to know. I am indifferent on this subject, and feel that any choice you make, on how you ultimately have a baby, whether that's by natural means-you didn't need any help getting, and or making your baby. You choose IVf, or adoption.

This particular post, was that on adoption, and the defense against those who somehow think IVF is a better route, than adoption. you can read about that HERE. I know that one day, adoption may be our only adoption, and that is mainly for the fact that I doubt we may ever be able to afford IVF, or that my broken uterus would be able to even function with a pregnancy.

I know the journey to parenthood won't be easy for us, and I know many other couples suffering from infertility. We should all be a little more understanding of everyone situation, and know that there are others who may be hurting more than we are.

My Saturday it's a long post.. sorry..

First off, I just have to say thank to my good friend B for helping out with my blog, and every little step we take to improve it, just makes it that much better. If you didn't notice already, my text are just that much cuter now! Thanks B love your face!

Also, I need another moment to brag. I wanted to show this pic before my I went to the baby showers today, but I didn't want anyone seeing something they shouldn't.

I just have to share, I love this outfit, and I think it's so adorable! I mean who doesn't want their little boy to have his own guitar to rock out to. I just want you all to know, that if this kid grows up and becomes a rockstar. I am responsible for this... If he becomes I crazy emo wanna be... I had nothing to do with it. I just have to say, it's pretty kick-ass!

No but seriously, today was so crazy. I hardly got any sleep last night and then this morning I was up early, running late... I know, it's hard to imagine that one. But, when you don't wake-up early enough, you kinda run a little behind. Then, I drove about 30 mins south... and drove around another 15 mins.. I got terribly lost. Oops. Not even Mapquest, nor my navigation could navigate this little small town. Thankfully, I found the spot, and enjoyed my time with my friend Cassiopia... No that's not her name, it's just my nickname for her. It was lots of fun, and I gave her some of my favorite Johnson and Johnson's baby lotion and wash, seriously you can't go wrong with Vanilla Oatmeal.. I love the smell.

After enjoying the festivities, I ventured North just shy of ten minutes, which If you have been to Utah, I found myself in down town Provo. I enjoyed a quick lunch, and started to look for the next baby shower location... Yeah, good thing my number dyslexia knows how to act up at the dumbest times! I spent another 15 mins looking for a street that didn't exist. I mixed up the order of the numbers.. Thankfully I had my handy-dandy Droid! Also access to Facebook. I quickly found the next location, and enjoyed some nummy snacks, some great company... and a rather disturbing story.

The preggers lady was opening her gifts, and opened a bag with binkie wipes in it. These wipes are pretty cool, in a handy packet, and good for when you drop the binkies on the ground, leave them in the bottom of a dirty bag.. So, this other gal who was attending, started sharing that her son ended up getting tooth decay because she had picked up his binkie off the floor on several occasion, wiped it off using her own mouth.. which A. Why in the heck would you put something, off the floor! In your mouth? and B. Why would you think it would then be good enough to put it in your son's mouth? Everyone in the room was kind of shocked.. She then proceeds to say.. "If you think that's terrible, just wait til you start breast feeding, and do things like feed your bestfriends baby.. in the back of a car no less".. Umm What? Okay, I tried to wrap my head around this, and seriously, even considering breastfeeding my sisters baby would be a stretch.

Needless to say, it was an eventful day. But for today, I know something that I am grateful, and yes it's a little hard to swallow.. Sigh..

Today, I am grateful for humbling situations. For being reminded there is a reason for everything, and although I may not understand, or be happy with those things I fail to fully comprehend. And although at the end of the day when I am driving home, and still feeling fully accomplished from the things I was able to give someone, I am allowed to cry a little.

I love my life, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to have lived, and seen the things that I have, and to know that miracles exist. Yeah, this chapter sucks. The whole waiting and having to stand on the side line. It's truly something so remarkable, and I hope that the efforts I put forth, and my patience is what is being counted.

count down is on

So I have to apologize for my lack of post yesterday, we are getting ready to celebrate my little sisters marriage this next Friday. With all of that, I have been making my little sisters bouquet, doing a makeup run through, wedding dress fittings, shopping for the just right shoes... ugh, seriously if I could re-do my wedding day, I would have done everything so much cheaper... a nice dinner with close family and friends, and then an open house after we got back from our honey moon... Honestly, I tried convincing my sister of that, I tried telling her all that mattered was at the end of the day, you were married, and happy. I think more intimate settings are so much better. But, lesson learned just a little. No worries, after almost two years of marriage, I couldn't be happier.

I was trying to come up with something witty, and remotely entertaining for today's gratitude post, but alas, I feel just a little too dang distracted by anything to be grateful for... No, No... Stop. I know I have something that I am grateful for.

Oh I know.. Today, I went grocery shopping... and.. I used some coupons. Okay, before you go rolling your eyes, have you ever gone shopping and used coupons? It's great! Mind you, it's been a long time since I was using coupons, and today was the first day back on the band wagon. I m super proud of myself, and in the end I saved myself today about 40 dollars. Woot! Go me. I know it isn't much, but I am kinda proud of myself. So today, I am thankful for coupons, for discounts, and sales. For people who take into consideration the poor college students.

Tomorrow will be a better day.. I hope. I at least should be able to find something too be grateful for. I have two baby showers, and a wedding reception to attend. I know, if you aren't shocked at this point that the infertile, is attending TWO baby showers. Only every now and then does it suck to sit and listen to all the ladies, oohh and aaww over the diapers, and butt paste, and sometimes the hideous clothing and or blankets that are gifted to them. I will say however, I always feel like the better person, cause in the end my gifts are the biggest hit, especially since I take the time to put them together, and fluff 'em.

So here is to coupons, and looking forward to better days, and of course more awesome baby shower gifts from yours truly!

A Blessing in Disguise

So this morning, at roughly 1 a.m. I was sitting down with my best friend J, Learning how to make a button for this here new blog, and I got a phone call from my husband. No worries, everyone is fine!

He asked where I was, and after replying with J, he informed me he had been fired from his job..Now, let me just tell you, I know that my husband was slightly relieved, especially since it was a terrible job.. He worked for the grocery store, WinCo throwing freight every night, and being worked to death. They expect so much out of them, for very little pay. It sucked when it came to jobs, but til something else could be found, it worked.

My dear husband was fired, due to "performance issues".. ironic that 5 other guys were written up for the same freakin thing! Little insight, the assistant manager doesn't know how to except responsibility, and likes to blame everyone else... so everyone else suffers. Needless to say, my husband was relieved, but there was still a little bit of lingering stress in the air today. Thankfully my best friend J, informed me the were hiring where she works, so my husband and I both applied, and have interviews for next Tuesday.

Cross your fingers that one of us can find a job quickly.

So for today, this is to blessings in disguise, for moments where you feel nothing but failure, and for bright people in your lives at the right moment. Thank you to J and her dear husband for watching out for us, and offer that little tip to the table. I cannot even tell you how appreciative we are!

To the future, to new beginnings, and to finally feeling free from something that confines and traps you. Moments like these are allowed to feel just a little bit of happiness.

So Live Your LIFE

Today, I attended the funeral, of one little 5 month old baby. The sweetest little girl, with so much curly hair, just adorable. It was hard, and rewarding at the same time. I walked to the front of the chapel, with my best friend J, who recently lost her daughter to still birth, this past year. I think was probably the hardest part of the whole thing. I stood there, and wrapped my arms around her, and we both cried for a few minutes, til I realized everyone was staring at us, and I started to move J to our seats.

It was amazing to watch the mother of this little girl, a woman that I had gone to school with. She sat there with a peaceful smile on her face, and after hugging her and complimenting her strength. She looked at us, and simply stated that her daughter was an angel, and she was in a much better place. I have never been more amazed by any one person in this situation. She is truly an amazing woman, and I admire her very much. I know I could never function that fully in such a tragic event.

So for today, I am grateful to be alive, to have lived, and to my health and the lives of those around me. I am truly so blessed in many areas of my life, and even though there are things that I don't understand, and may struggle with every now and then again. Thank you infertility! But I can be grateful for my life, and for the things that I have been allowed to participate in, and be a part of.

Hold your love ones close, remember that we may not have the things we want... But we always have the things we need.

Just a little over a year ago, I lost my grandmother, my most favorite person in the whole wide world. She only had two sons, my father, and my uncle. She told me constantly as I was growing up, that she would have given anything to have a little girl. Thankfully, after I was born my parents moved to Utah, and my grandmother practically raised me. I couldn't imagine what it would be like, during my grandmothers time to go through those things, not knowing what is wrong with your body. Heck, I know what's wrong with my body, and it sucks too! Although, she never was blessed with a daughter, she taught me she had been blessed with so many other ways. I can only pray, that when I am old, and unable to kick my heels, that I am proud of my life.

Thanks Grandma, for all your inspiration, and the love. We miss you!

Laura Ann Pixler

In Memory, of Desirea Anita Brown, August 2010-January 2011,

P.S. I changed my blog address, name, and everything else. HERE!!!

todays official post!

So, I have to share with you that I am seriously super anxious to change my blog, my wonderfully awesome, beautifully talented friend B is working hard on helping me with the whole new scheme.. Thanks B! All day today, I have been busy brain storming, and thinking, and just creating new ways to improve my blog, and my potential business in the near future. My poor brain hasn't had much rest. Thankfully I let my mind take a break, and I worked my body out.

Speaking of which, I have to share with you, that I have eaten very poorly these past few days.. Between baking goodies for my little sis bridal shower, and having friends over, it is been one buffet of junk food. Enough to make anyone sick with the thought of it. So I was terribly dreading stepping on the scale this morning since it had been a few days since I weighed myself.... I turned on my scale, waited for the 0 to appear, stepped on, one hand covering my eyes, and kind of peeking out through my fingers. I was shocked when I realized that I had actually lost a pound since I had weighed myself last... Wow. How lucky could I get. Mind you, this doesn't mean I am going on a junk food binge, it just reminded me I got super lucky, and that I can't let it happen again. So bring on the 30 day shred! Woot!

Now on to the good stuff, what am I grateful for today, you ask? Why, my most wonderful adoring husband. As I watched him leave the house, to take his big Border Patrol exam today, on less than 4 hours of sleep. I realized how much he really does love me. I know he wants to make things better in our lives, and to find a job that brings us more money, and great career opportunities. He is an amazing man, and I don't know what I would do with him.

Little background story. Less than 3 months of after my divorce from my first husband, I joined a dating Website.. Shortly there after I stopped using it, and forgot all about it. No worries, the story gets better. I then received an email from said Website, informing me someone had sent me an email. I was rather shocked, considering I hadn't been online in months. I quickly accessed my account, and there was an email, from this handsome stud. I sent him a text, two nights later we had our first date, on our 4th date he told me, he loved me. I then told him that evening that was way to fast for him, and I was no longer interested...What?! I know, poor judgement on my part. Well two days later, I gave into my undeniable feelings for said stud, and we were together again... Yes, ten LONG days after our first date we decided to marry... I know, I'm insane. But I tell you what I am the happiest crazy person I know!

I could never pick any one person who could compliment my personality, my wits, and my soul. He truly is the other half of my puzzle, and the one person I would breath and die for. I can't til we are old and we get to tell people of our courtship, and they drop their jaw, and raise an eyebrow or two. You rock my socks baby, and I cannot believe we have been together over years already.. I know, such a long time right? But I couldn't be happier.

Oh just in case you are wondering. Jon only lived 6 blocks from me, and I actually worked with his brother at one point, not that his brother even remembers me. But, still, it's like those others weird creepy online courtships, plus we were engaged for 6 months. In Utah standards, that's an eternity.

I love this guy, I couldn't be more grateful for any one thing in my whole life. I hope everyone is as lucky as I am to find their soulmate.

Oops...

Okay, in all honest, and in my defense, I totally remembered to get online and blog. But, I spent the majority of my afternoon, hanging out with a great set of friends! I love them! We played this game called Munchkin, Yeah... We played it for like 2 hours, and I still have no idea what happened..

Then I got carried away with talking with my Friends BB about all sorts of good things that we plan to do this year, which may involve an Etsy shop, but don't quote me on it! I am a little obsessed with my blogging, and since I don't really have anything better to do, we shall see.

I had so much going on yesterday, and it seemed like I didn't stop for one moment, church, meeting after said church, family dinner, friends, late nights, and early mornings to watch my husband leave. He got up early today, just so he could go take this border patrol exam. Cross your fingers, it would be a huge blessing for us, if he were able to pass, and go on to potentially get a job.

But for yesterday, I took a moment as we were driving, to look around me. And, although, majority of what I saw on our drive were dead deer... Yikes.. I did get a climpse at the Mountains. If you have never been to Utah, and you have never seen our Mountains, you are missing out! In those few moments that I had to spare, I realized how beautiful they were.. They may be void of anything green right now, and the overwhelming amount of snow maybe just too much. But I love them. I love the beautiful things, I have in my life. Not only nature, but those around me who just shine beautifully, who show compassion, and love for everyone.

I now it isn't an over the top kinda thing, but in days like yesterday, it's nice just to take a quick deep breath, and really look at things.


And these aren't even the prettiest, or biggest mountains we have, they are to the west of us, but still just as beautiful.

What a Day!

Holy Moses! It was one heck of a day, I was up early, after hardly sleeping, and was off finishing the details for my little sisters bridal shower. I cannot believe my little sis, is gettin' hitched. It was lots of fun, I made muddy buddies(best thing ever!) fruit kabobs, and some cupcakes.

I still think my gift was the best, who can go wrong with embrassing your sister in front of her future in-laws, with some langerie. She was just about the same shade of red, as the cute little teddy I got her.

I also spent the after noon, with two of my best friends, J and B, seriously, These ladies rock! They are helping me work on the face of blog. Oh speaking of which, I have a new name picked out, and will be changing my domain address, but no worries not for a week or so... hopefully!

So for today, I am grateful for memories, moments that are insignificant, and sometimes meanless, are the moments that I will remember always. Like making dumb faces as my mother takes the 10th picture of my sister and I. Or laughing so hard my side hurts, after I tell my friends the 'Condom Fight' my husband and I had. Which is also a long story, and will be saved for a later date and time.. I know you are probably wonder, "What the heck does an infertil want with condoms?" lol it's not what you think.

So for moments far and in between, that make your heart swell with joy, and for people who bring you those moments. Thanks!

Also a congratulations to my baby sis, I love you Jo, I cannot wait, less than two weeks!

Quite Voices

Today, is one of those days. We are a week into the new year, I think by now we should all now how the new year is going to be, and how we are going to be spending our time. Although 2010 was an espeically hard year, not only for myself, but for some other wonderful woman it has been just as hard. This morning, I was broken hearted, as I read my good friends Facebook status, yesterday, she lost her 5 month old daughter. Not even a week into the new year, and their lives were shattered.

It's moments like this, when although I am struggling with infertility, and I know that feeling of loss, it is never to the magnitude of losing your child. I am surrounded by such strong individuals, and I know that they bless my life, by sharing their strengths with me.

So for today, I am grateful for perspective, for knowing that the Lord sometimes plays a mysterious role in our lives, and we my not always fully understand that role, it is there for a reason.

For all my friends who have lost their childre, and loved ones in 2010, know that they still love you, and are watching over you.

To my best friend J, the loss of your newborn child, before she was even able to take a breath, you are an amazing woman, your strength gives me inspiration.

I am grateful for so many things in my life, and I am so grateful I choose to write about my gratitude in 2011.

I hope the start to your new year is everything that you have wanted it to be, if not, you have until the end of January to really get the ball rolling!

Shame on Me!

I know, I know... I was all proud of my self on the 4th because I had been doing so well, and then I go and blow it, what a shmuck.... So, for today I gotta pick two things to be grateful for. Which I happen to have two such things that I am currently for.

The first one being my family. For me, that includes a lot of people, even ones that I am not technically related too.. I still love them just as equaly. But to my family, I don't know where I would be without my mother, who loved me, and managed to put up with me as a teenager. Also, to my favorite sister Emily Jo, you pretty much are my best friend, and I don't know what I would do without ya.

Seriously, I couldn't ask for a greater family, and although they have a few quirks, they are my family, and I wouldn't trade them for the world!

The second, would be my friends, I truly have amazing friends, and I am so grateful for the things that they have taught me, and shared with me. I continually grow from them being in my lives. Nothing brings me greater joy, than sitting around my kitchen table laughing my pants off. You know the kind of laughing where you are tearing up a little bit, and you piddled in your pants a little... Yeah that kinda of laughing.

I love these people in my life, I love knowing I have someone to turn to no matter what is going on, I have a shoulder to cry on, and someone who understands me.. Even if they are directly dealing with infertility. They always still understand loss, and grieving. I love my family, my friends, and everyone who chooses to share their lives with me. Even if it is for just a brief moment, in passing, facebook, or blogging. I truly am so blessed to have YOU, in my life!

Wow, I haven't given up yet!

I am alctually fairly impressed with myself considering I have managed to keep up with the blog. Mainly because the new year started, I went back to school, and to top all that off I am combating sickness. I know and it's rather depressing I had to turn down my bff, and Zumba tonight. Curse you sickness(shakes fist)

Although today, I found something that I am truly grateful for. That would be education. Without it, I would not be able to pursue my dream of a Forensic Investigator, and without education, those teaching me, would not be able to do so.

I took my midterm today, needless to say it pretty much sucked.. I managed to fail my first one, but really it was on terrorism.. Who wouldn't flunk it.. Oh that's right, everyone BUT me... But I am much happier with how my second one turned out, A- on my criminal evidence class! WOOT!

I do realyl well sometimes, and honestly this is the very first test, I have EVER failed... I was rather dissapointed in myself, and thankfully, my teacher loves me, and is willing to work out some extra credit with me.

So that's what it is folks, to education, to the all the teacher that put up with me, cause heaven knows I was the kid with ADHD, that wouldn't shut up, or stay in my seat. Also, to Mrs. Hook, my crazy as hell art teacher, whole was so creative, made up her own rap lyrics to Eminem's, Real Slim Shady. (Oh man talk about one of the most awkward things you've ever seeen!) But seriously, love that lady!

I have learned a lot from many different people in my life, and different things they have taught me. Drama: Only encouraged my awesome dulisional self, Choir: more encouragement of insanity. Art: My second love* sigh * Debate: Really? They should have put me in this class so much sooner. I learned to have a voice, and at last a REAL opinion, and a back bone.

There is a huge list of people who have contributed to my life. I am gald they were a part of it, even if it were just a momnet. To more learning, more en deavours, and obviously, more ADHD moments.. Oh something shiny!

Continuing Gratitude!

Well today was rather uneventful, I spent the majority of the day being rather sick, and held up on the couch. Thankfully I have an awesome husband who surprised me, and brought home the movie Knight and Day, from the redbox. Needless to say, some days he really rocks!

So as I make my way through my terrible stomach cramps I am trying to decide what I am really grateful for today. Today I would like to kick the bucket to my in-laws. Dave and Shelly, If you knew my in-laws you would be way jealous of me. They are so thoughtful, and really inspiring. Especially cause my mother-in-law is a lot like me, she makes me feel really special when she is over dramatic about her reaction, even if it's just something really tiny that I have done, I feel like a little kindergartner showing her my finger paintings. Okay, so maybe not like that, but truly I am so grateful for them, they set a good example for me, and my husband, and without them, things would be a lot harder for us while we were both attending school.

I don't know what I could possibly ever do to show them my appreciation, but I love them dearly, and only hope that one day I can be nearly as cool as them when I grow up!

Day Numer 2

Today has been kind of hum, drum, day. I woke up this morning, with a terrible sore throat, and feeling very under the weather, I was also dreading the fact that I was believing today was the last day of my winter vacation, and was not looking forward to going back to school tomorrow. I was surprised when I picked up my homework sheet, and noticed that I did not have to go back to school til Tuesday. YES! No, this is not what am going to write about, but it did make my day a whole lot better knowing I got one more day of rest.

However, I did want to write about how grateful I was for my husband, but since I consider that topic one of my greatest to be thankful for, I would give it more thought, and properly prepare for it.

For today's thought, I am very grateful for modern technology. This covers many areas of my life, especially today. For instance, the knowledge to have developed medicine that will not cure my body, but sure as heck make it feel a little better, and help ease my discomfort. The proper developement to have clean drinking water, or even the invention of electricity, and dare I say allow me to use my computer, or my ipod, or my life line(cell phone. Which reminds me, about a week or so ago, we had a terrible snow storm here in Utah. It was bad, it came down for hours, and within that short time, we probably got over a foot of snow. That same evening, at around three in morning, the power went out. In the few hours of it being out, I was reminded how much we truly depend on electricity to keep things going. Light in our house, warmth from the furnace, or even to keep the water warm so that I could take a bath.

So a toast to the one thing, that we will all be slaves to, forever and ever. But, in this one moment, I can be a little grateful that I don't have to live in the dark, or go with out my ipod or my cell phone(heaven forbid).

I would however like to point out at least one good thing that has come from the developement of technology, that would be any product that helps our planet, i.e. solar panels, windmills. We could all be a little more green!

Okay Bleeps, I am gonna go back to bed, maybe make some hot cider, and curl up and sleep a little. Enjoy your Sunday, and tomorrow is the first real day of the New Year!

Here We Go...

And so it starts... I think I just piddled in my pants a little. I cannot believe, a whole year has already come and gone, this time last year, I was making New Year Resolutions, that I managaed to only keep a short period of time. I promised myself last year, that I would lose some weight, and in doing so, Jon and I would concieve. I could have in no way prepared myself for the path that was laid before me this past year.

The many doctor appointments, all the test, and ultimately being diagnosed with PCOS, and a unicornuate uterus. Things I would never wish upon my worst enemy, and sadness, that at sometimes seems so hard to over come, even months after the fact.

I want this year to be different, I want to make my own path of happiness, I want to find something else that provides some kind of joy in my life. Obviously, like any trying to conceive crazy lady, getting pregnant, and being a mother is something I will never stop wanting. But, for once, it would be nice to want something else.

So today, for my first day of many, I am grateful for a second chance, for new beginnigs, and for being lucky enough to find the reset button in life sometimes. I've left a lot of things behind for 2010, a year, a decade of things, memories, and heart ache.

I hope this lays the foundation for the nexy ten years of my life, for new goals, new dreams, and complete happiness.

This year I did make a few goals, and thankfully I started them before 2011 began..

1. Lose weight, I would ultimately love to lose 30 lbs.

2. Graduate.

3. Keep Promises to others, as well as myself.

I pretty much decided to keep this list simple... I have ADHD sometimes, and figured it would be best to humor my short attention span.

Well Bleeps, this is my journey, and hopefully before the end of my month, I have 31 different things to be grateful for, a new look for my blog, and looking forward to the rest of 2011.

Feel inspired, take moments to breath, and always find joy in the little things.