Tuesday, November 16, 2010

what I saw, what I've seen..

So, shortly after my last post, I had a dream. I dreamt that my husband and I had decided to adopt. In my dream I was very pleased about our decision, and excited for the new adventure.

In my dream, it played out quickly, but is still so vivid in my mind that if I close my eyes. I can see everything, and imagine how I was feeling at that moment. Shortly, after we made the decision to adopt, something happened. We were picked, and not just picked, I mean like it was fast. I wasn't even prepared for a baby, in my dream I was freaking out because I didn't have any diapers to even change the baby's bottom. A friend of mine, came with me and we picked up my new infant son, Erick.. I don't know how the name Erick came up, I have only ever known one, and that was from elementary school.

So, in my dream, I am buckling my baby into his cart seat in the back of my car, and we smiled at me. I could see his beautiful blue eyes, and his gorgeous smile. I even remember thinking "wow, everyone was right, they still end up looking like you". The next thing I knew we were driving around, and I was freaking oout, because the baby had a poopie diaper, and I didn't have diapers, and I kept thinking. I am a terrible mother, I don't even have anything to change his diaper with.

I woke up shortly after I turned around in my seat, to stare at his cart seat in the back of the car. I rememeber thinking, I love this baby, and it's gonna be okay..

I feel kind of foolish after having this dream. It's true the Lord really knows how to comfort. I needed this dream, no tiny whisper of hope was enough. I needed my own personal movie played out for me.

I am just glad it came when it did, a day after aunt flow graced me with her presence, and I was feeling a little down in the mouth. But, I awoke that morning feeling more peace, and hope about my infertility, than I have in a long time.