Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Second round of Clomid, Successful!!!

Well thus far, I officially Ovulated!!! Talk about the best thing to be successful! I know it's rather boring and unimpressive to most people. But for the infertile gal over here, I'm rather impressed with myself!!

Now, if we could make this an even better round of clomid and conceive that would make my year!!!

Needless to say I am pretty beside myself with excitement. Months of depression are starting to look like agent history, and now, that we have gotten me to ovulate it's getting me knocked up that is our next challenge!

Wish us luck!!

P.S. I know this isn't the clear blue digital monitor I just purchased, but you know being a pee on a stick addict, I could help but using an ovulation test during the day.. lol

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Moment to be proud of!

So with this cycle, I decided to use my new purchase, my clear blue digital fertility monitor. I was excited, and as instructed, I started testing every morning, and I started to stress by cycle day 12, only because my other phone app, told me that I should reach high fertility by that day.. Which I found another calculator online, that calculates with the clomid, and told me something completely different! But it was the right different, and I won't bore you with all those details.

Basically I am right on track, and this morning when I tested, my little monitor, moved from low fertility, to high fertility!! WOOT, WOOT!! I just wanted to share, that the clomid is working, and if all goes right, I will be ovulated by the end of week!!!! HURRAY!!! Finally!

Friday, August 13, 2010

I had no choice, but to hear you.

You stated your case, time and again, I thought about it.

If you don't know the words to this song, you should. It's a wonderful song, and inspiring. Alanis Morissette, Head over feet. One of my favorites. The song reminds me that sometimes there are people around us, who know the truth about us, even before we know.

Lately, that is truly how I have felt. That Jon, has known more about me, and has sat patiently waiting. While, I have been going through a rather dark moment in my life. I didn't want to admit it, and I truly didn't thing there was anything wrong. Til one day about two weeks ago, I woke up with a different energy, I was happy for once, and I just couldn't seem to get enough of Jon. I love my husband don't get me wrong, but the whole infertility thing, and trying to get pregnant, our love life had pretty much gone down the pooper, considering our evenings were spent more over the debate of whether or not I was ovulating and if we were really going to have sex that evening. It's hard to be romantic, and spontaneous when you need to make sure you have all of the right things, like right date, right position. Are my hips at the right angle. Yada, yada, yada. I know kinda graphic, but oh the joys of baby makin'!

Needless to say, I feel like a different person, I feel a lot more hopeful about this, I am losing weight, and feel a ton more energy. I am so grateful that I have such a wonderful husband, who loves me enough to stay, even when I am walking around completely empty on the inside. I love you Jon, thanks for being such an awesome husband!

Oh also as promised! I have the pictures for my dream board, ie; baby makin' board!

The next few pictures are little sayings I put on my dream board! It's all about positive thinking!!!

If you have any ideas on how I could make it better, let me know! I love suggestions!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

A few brief statements..

I know I said I wasn't going to blog for a while, and I'm not, but I thought in passing an update, or milestone should be marked for the time being.

Like I shared previously, I had my follow up appointment, where the doctor was so kind to prescribe provera, to get my cycle started. It worked.. After only two days of taking the medication, I started my period.. It was awful the first two days, I thought I was going to end up in the hospital, and being anemic, I was bleeding that bad. I even called the nurse, who reassured me that was totally normal.. Oh man, I hope I don't have to take that ever again! I would never wish that on my worse enemy!

I started my second round of Clomid on Friday, which is good since I have the weekend to have the majority of my hot flashes. Ironically enough, my hot flashes are not nearly as bad as they were, during my first cycle.

We also, have the opportunity to use our new toy, our clear blue fertility monitor. It's kinda nifty, and even though I haven't started using the test sticks or anything, I am rather enjoying pressing the button every morning, and seeing that it is counting and keeping track of the days for me. Obviously who ever invented this thing, was a genius, and knows how exploit others to get a lot of money.. Luckily I never pay full price for anything like that, and so, that's my way of stickin' it to the man. I know, what a rebel, right?

I am trying harder to not be so over whelmingly depressed, I am started to feel better about a few things, and I feel in certain aspects my attention has been directed to other areas of my life. Perhaps my brain finally snapped, and said "ENOUGH!". Either way, I am attempting to be hopeful, even if on the inside I feel a little foolish to keep trying, after so many failures.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results -Albert Einstein.

But, as a promise to myself, I have set some new guidelines for us trying to conceive.

1. I will keep trying, and taking the medication, if it does not work by the end of October, we are going to take a break.

2. I will actively keep trying til I am 25 years old, before I consider adoption, unless, I am informed sooner, that a pregnancy would be unachievable.

3. I will longer doubt that the Lord has a plan for me, that he hasn't forgotten about me, and that he wants me to be a mother.

I feel better putting it in writing, instead of just saying these words to myself, over and over again in my head.

I am making a dream board to better center myself. Perhaps when I am finished I will post it.

Thanks for the support, sorry that my post have been rather negative the last few times. I am working on it, and hopefully sometime in the near future, I will have the privilege of typing the words out "finally".

Monday, August 2, 2010

Clomid one, Sarah none...

So, this morning, Jon and I made our way to our follow-up appointment for our first round of clomid me.. With this, I was told to pee in a cup, then undress from the waist down.. The doctor failed to tell us the last time we were there, that such under goings would happen, thankfully I showered, and was clean when I got there..

We talked about the clomid, and ultimately came to the conclusion that I had failed to ovulate, and that I was indeed not pregnant. It was a hit in the stomach, and rather depressing to hear the doctor say those words, when deep inside I already knew the answer.

I have yet to start my period, so the doctor was oh so kind enough to prescribe me some medication to get it going, and then he upped the dosage of clomid, to 100mg.

I am not happy about this. One because that means more hot flashes, and two because this means the side effects are going to be that much worse.

I am bummed that I have to go through this again, I feel like I am setting the stage for pending failure. Like I am getting ready to wrap it up in a nice shiny bow.

I hope it works this time, or I at least ovulate..

It might be a while before I write again, considering that all I feel when I write is more resentment towards my infertility.