Thursday, February 28, 2013


I know.. I know.. I am ashamed.. I haven't blogged in months.. Things are taking place in my life that I don't necessarily wanna share at the moment. However, please note that I will be starting a new blog, as this chapter of my life will be closing temporarily. Please be patient as I get it up and running. I will let you know all the juicy details as soon as I am capable! Love you all!! Thank you for the support!!

Monday, October 8, 2012


Just Well, I thought my title was catchy enough. We are now 8 days into October, and since my last post I can now provide a few updates.. yeah! I can proudly say I started this cycle all by myself. Following my post on cd 34 I started without the assistance of Progesterone. The cramps were not as bad, and I was just grateful that my body did something! I spent the first portion of my cycle, coming unglued.

I called my Dr's office the morning after starting my cycle, to inform them I needed my next round of clomid, and the progesterone suppository we had had previously talked about. I then spent the majority of the day in bed, as working graves has been sleeping all day. However I woke up around 5, and good thing I did, cause my Dr's office called me back..


"Is this Sarah?"


"Sarah, I spoke with K.P. and she told me that she cannot prescribe the 150mg of clomid to you as she had originally agreed to do.."


"I'm am so sorry, you might be able to call tomorrow, and see if you can get in to see one of the doctors before cd 3, other than that, there isn't much we can do.."

"So you're saying, I just have to take the 100mg, and hope it works?! We are basically walking into October just wasting a cycle!"

This is when I started crying, and the nurse began to ramble. I was so mad, and I seriously dragged myself around the rest of the night, just devastated. I had 2 days to try to get in to see one of the doctors, or it was going to be a wasted cycle. I tell you what, the next morning I jumped outta bed so fast and was on the phone by 8:05.. I wasn't messin' around. By 9.. so much for being up early.. I finally decided to leave a message as they had not even turned on their phones. By 10:30, when no one called back, I called them. This time the receptionist answered, I gave her the low down, and as much as I could be on my knees over the phone, begged her to find an appointment for me. She asked if I would hold, so she could go talk to K.P., and one of the doctors. longest 5 mins of my life. She finally gets back on the phone, and declares that the doctors will make an exception this one time-PHEW!!- but the want to see me later this month. I can do that! Just give the crazy lady her pills!

After that mayhem, I then had the worst time getting my progesterone suppository from the pharmacy, as it needed to be compounded. I am not gonna say which pharmacy it was, but I can tell you this much. I am never go back to the place. It was awful! And I got the run around, and ended up paying more than what I wanted to, or even should have.. *Shakes fist*

It was like everything was working against this month. between the doctors office, the pharmacy, I didn't think I was even gonna get a chance to take the stupid clomid! Isn't it enough that I am infertile? Do we really have to make it that much harder?

Anyway, we are now at cd 14 into my cycle, and I can happily say I have officially Ovulated.

So, this line isn't super impressive.. the camera didn't do it justice. But, Between the cervical mucus, and my cervix positioning, I think it's a safe bet. But cd 21 blood draw will be the deciding factor.. Here is hoping right?

As for the now sugar thing. It's going great! I have lost 12 lbs since I have started.. It was 14, but I had a little bit too much of the carbs variety the other days. So, I gotta do better about that. But, I feel really motivated to stick to this, and be healthy.. I can't wait!

Alright, I'll let ya get back to whatever you were doing, and I am gonna sit here, and twiddle my thumbs in my two week wait. Wish me luck!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Cd:32, and October plans..

Well as of two days ago, the pregnancy test was still negative.. I am pretty sure this cycle was another cycle my body is protesting getting pregnant. But, I wasn't expecting miracles. Well, I take that back.. the fact my body even got above a 1.0 on my progesterone blood draw, that is a miracle. I will tell you this.. I no longer trust opk's, my cervical mucus, or my cervix positioning.. really.. I feel like it changes every month.. And we tried the whole temping thing.. my husband wasn't very committed. lol. So, thank goodness for the blood draw, and then just being intimate every other day works for me. A lot less stress.. Alright coming back from my strayed conversation.

I plan on calling the dr office Monday, and asking for a progesterone suppository. I fear that with my progesterone being so low, that even if I did get pregnant my body would supply enough to sustain the pregnancy. So step one.

-Insure your body has enough progesterone all the time, to insure pain inducing death cramps..

Also, for the month of October, besides extensive hot flashes, and moods swing.. I have decided to stop eating bad sugar.. You know the kind from my coveted Diet Coke, *sniff* and my much needed grave yard shift energy drink *sniff, sniff*, and all the other really bad junk for your body. I have been doing a ton of reading, and I realized my body thrives off of bad sugars! It's true, I can be doing so well on a diet, and then my brain goes "Oh Brownie! You can have JUST one"-Fail. What most people fail to realize, like I was.. That brownie starts one nasty vicious cycle, and later on your body is craving it again.. So, I am gonna be committed. If you see me, and I happen to be holding a delicious maple bar donut, slap it outta my hand! So on to number two.

-Make sure you hate everyone by going through, caffine, and sugar withdrawals for the first week of clomid 150mg. -Great..

Sometimes I question my sanity. But, I now it's gonna be worth it. I have to change something.

Recently a few months back, maybe I told you.. I was diagnosed with Klippel-Feil Syndrome.. which you can read about HERE. I am pretty sure that this condition, along with my unicornuate uterus, play a role in one another existence. Basically, in a nutshell.. My spine is no bueno.. and I need to not be so dang fat, to improve my chances of being able to walk for the remainder of my life..Not to self: Don't go reading crap about syndrome during blog posting it just freaks ya out.

Alright, so here is to really changing how I eat, and getting knocked up in October.. I could totally handle another summer baby! Okay lover faces, hope this motivates you to eat less sugar. Or eat more, either way. I mean you could eat an extra cookie on my behalf, just saying..

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

my summer in a nutshell

So, recently I have greatly avoided blogging about myself. Especially my infertility journey, mostly because my journey had more or less hit a bump in the road, and there were pieces laying strewn about the ground that desperately needed to be picked up, and I had no idea where to begin.  As the dust has settled, and I am climbing back up to stand on my feet. I am anxious for this new journey. Especially since I now feel I am much more capable hands, compared to the last time we attempted anything in regards to our infertility.

Well the last time I left you with any details, we were just getting ready to do an un-medicated cycle. Which by the way, they drew my blood on cd:21.. my progesterone was a .2.. That's right. My body didn't even think about ovulating.. I only cried for a half hour. Put on my big girl panties.. waited 14 more days took a hpt to rule out a pregnancy-Waste of money. Then started progesterone.. which gives me the period from hell, including death cramps. The next cycle, so July. We started out with 50mg of clomid cd 3-5. Which, I wasn't anticipating any miracles with 50mg as I never even got a positive opk the last time I tried the 50mg.. but Kellie, wanted to start out slow.. STORY OF MY LIFE! Well.. cd:21.. progesterone. A whole whoppin' .8.. That's it.. my body barely nudged. I cried a bit longer that time.. waited another 14 days, took another hpt- more wasted money. Started progesterone, and my period promptly arrived the next day. Side Note: after informing the nurse of how quickly my period started after only one day of progesterone. She informed me, that means I was going to start on my own, and that the progesterone did absolutely nothing to help.. Okay so that was a little bit of good news.

Well, on to August, with 100mg of clomid. Have you noticed, both times I have taken clomid just happened to be in the two hottest months of the year.. I highly recommend you take clomid, or another other hot flash inducing medication during the winter.. So cd:21 rolled around on the 12th of Sept, so just about a week ago.. My progesterone.. drum roll please?! 5.6!!!!!! That's right! Not only did my body respond, it was a huge jump from the last month!! So, as my spidey Internet senses tell me... anything above a 5 on or around cd 21.. usually means you are currently ovulating.. Don't take my word for it, as almost every site I read on it, seemed to have a different answer. However, a late ovulation, is much better than no ovulation. Phew!

But, this explains so much! I really wish that I had made my previous doctor do blood work, instead of just assuming the 100mg was sufficient. We intend on doing another round or two of clomid bumping it up to 150mg next month. Which I am not thrilled about, but it makes me hopeful that we could potentially be successful on a higher dose. Although, at this point.. Lets be honest.. When you go this long trying to get pregnant, you laugh at the thought of it actually happening..

Alright, well I guess we wait and see what the next few days brings us.. hoping my cycle start all on it's own and I don't have to take the awful period inducing progesterone.. Alright, I am gettin' outta here, and goin' to watch my bestie deliver a baby! You should be jealous! Night ya'll

Thursday, September 13, 2012

What to know, before you go!: infertility journey

Recently, I have been busy with a few things, especially regarding my infertility, and as I approach the near end of this year. I am confronted with the thought, I have been trying to get pregnant for over 3 years now.. 3 years of my life dedicated to getting knocked up, do you know how much sex that is?! Really I am sure that my husband isn't really complaining too much. But, we have hit a lot of bumps in the road, and I just know, that there are things that I wish I had known then, that I know now.. That could have saved me so much hassle.

I had a dear friend of mine, send me a message the other day, asking if I could give her some tips and suggestions as she and her husband start their process. That's when it dawned on me.. Everyone should know. I am pretty sure as your browse the Internet-FYI MOMENT: Most infertile are great at browsing the Internet. Seriously, I have some wicked skills. I know how to type in something just right to get the answer I am looking for. Any way, as I was saying. As you browse the Internet, you are bound to find a ton of suggestions and different ways to improve your journey, but this right here. This is a post with a great list, from different contributing infertiles such as myself.

1. Don't waste your time: True story, time is not always your friend. If you have been trying to conceive for a year or more without a pregnancy. GO GET CHECKED!!! If you are over 35 and have been trying for 6 months, GO GET CHECKED!!! Allowing more time, or thinking that you haven't given it enough time, is a recipe for more heart ache later on.

2. It is okay to grieve. Infertility is a real loss. It's a loss of your dreams, your wants for the future. When you hear those words your worlds come crashing in, and it is okay to scream, punch a pillow, and eat lots of ice cream.

3. Before you start with just any old physician.. Make sure you check their knowledge on infertility, if you have questions they can't answer, leave! I know not everyone is ready to jump into the Reproductive Doctors Office. So look into options. If you are seeking to just run some test, check your levels, or basic ultrasounds. A good OB can do that for you. They can even prescribe clomid- FYI MOMENT: If your Dr is willing to write you a prescription for clomid, but won't do a blood test to check for ovulation later in your cycle. NOT THE DR FOR YOU!!! I promise this will save you lots of time, and money if you can find an OB that is willing to do that. By the time you walk into an Re's office, you will have plenty of records and proof that you were running test, and hopefully have found out your issues, before you shell out the big bucks.

4. Research different ways of checking for ovulation, and for improving your chances of conception. Believe it or not, there are different things you can do. Ovulation Prediction Kits, Cervical Mucus, Temperature.. Timing sex just right, etc. Don't just assume that have sex will get you pregnant-Before you say anything, just having sex CAN get you pregnant, I mean thousands of people do it every year.. But you may need some more help..

5. Know the differences between a regular doctor, your OB, and an RE;Reproductive Endocrinologist. Just because your doctor has a medical degree from fancy college.. does not make him a specialist on infertility.

6. Know what kind of test SHOULD be performed in order to rule certain issues out. You can find info HERE and HERE. Remember knowledge is power, and lets face it. Some of the time, your will have more knowledge about your body, then your doctor.

7. Remember, it's okay to release your inner bitch! Becoming your own advocate will get you so far with infertility. Some doctors want to drag their feet.. Don't let them. Or find a different doctor. I wast 6 months with a doctor only to find out later, biggest waste of time and money!

8. Infertility is hard enough as it is, but if you can't become your own voice, and stand up for your needs. You will not be doing yourself any good. It is okay to be selfish in these time. If you need to skip a baby shower, or skipping out a family dinner cause your cousin is pregnant, again, for the 3rd time. Then do it. Your family, and your friends may not support you, and call you out on it. Who cares. You DESERVE HAPPINESS, and until you can cope with infertility, you are completely allowed to skip certain events.

9. Don't assume everyone will be compassionate about your pain. Some people might say they understand, or they are sorry. People will say THE DUMBEST things to you, assuming it will help. Let it roll off your back. There are support groups throughout the country, and support groups online. There will always be SOMEONE you understands. Don't be afraid to reach out.

10. Infertility takes a toll on everything.. Your marriage, your health, your relationships, your finances, It can at times become a complete obsession. Find different was of rekindling your romance, or different ways to celebrate small triumphs.

11. Having a baby, doesn't fix your sorrows and real pain of infertility. Adopting a baby, or conceiving one doesn't erase the pain you went through to get to that point. Your reality of infertility is just that, REALITY.

12. You can never do enough research. Seriously. Research EVERYTHING!!! The meds, the doctors, everything under the sun!! I have looked up countless things on the Internet attempting to gain some knowledge, and it has really helped. If you can't find it, don't be afraid to call you doctor, or find another infertile, and hit her up!

13. Always remember.. Infertility does not define you as a person. Although it has, and will create a huge impact on your life.. It doesn't mean you are that person. Break free from that mold. Become an advocate for infertility. It is a real disease, thousands and thousands of people are suffering from it. Don't be afraid to stand up and speak out. Someone else could be suffering in silence, and you could be their saving grace.

I wish I could hug you, and tell you that everything is going to be alright. But I can't make that promise. You are the maker of your life, and you can control the path you take. Knowledge is power. Don't lose hope, don't let infertility consume you. You are better than this, and some stupid condition isn't going to rule your life.

I hope this has helped. It was wonderful to be able to get some insight from the other ladies in my life that have, and or are in the same shoes as myself. Be brave in your journey, regardless of where it takes you.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

No excuses!

Alright, alright.. I know.. I am bad..
I went almost the entire summer without blogging once.. and I bet you are all wondering what the heck I have been up to, or maybe even wondering if I was still alive.. No worries, I am still kickin'.

We have had such an amazing summer, and cannot believe it is almost over! We finalized our adoption.. Hurray! We celebrated Izzebel's first birthday.. We got to visit with family that we haven't seen in ages.. and last but not least.. we got to take our sweet baby girl to the temple and be sealed to her..
It was truly amazing.. I cried the whole time.. Like I do in everything else.. What can I say.. I am a big ol' cry baby!-ask my husband..

We also, went to the water park, one too many times, Izzebel took her first swimming lessons, her first steps, and started saying a few words. We adore her, and cannot imagine life without her. I will post a few pictures in the next few days of everything we got to do this summer!

Also, this summer.. I started a new job working graves, it's hard getting use to staying up all night, but I am liking it so far. We also started looking into regulating my cycle and getting my body to ovulate.. I am still taking my metformin, and I am currently on my second cycle of clomid.. I do however have to say, that journey is a whole other post just because there is so much to tell, that just breezing over it right now, just wouldn't be fair..

I am loving life right now. I have a wacky little family, and we aren't perfect by any means.. But I love them like crazy. I am so glad that we are finally over with our long ordeal, and that for the first time in a long time, I feel normal. Now I am wrapped up in looking forward to Holidays, snow, baking, making memories with my sweet little family. I love adoption, and I love what it has done for our family, and I am so grateful for this whole experience.

Thank you for reading, and for being patient with me, as I slowly get back into the swing of things. There will be more post, more FREQUENT post.. and lots of good things to come..

I can't wait..

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


First off.. I have to explain my title.. I am having birth mother envy.. I see and read all the cute other posting on Facebook, and blogs about adoptive families, with amazing Birthmoms.. and I really wish that Izze's birth mom had been that awesome.. It makes me sad, to think that over a year ago, we had made so many plans, wanted to include her in so many things, and now.. all we have are broken hearts over the relationship we will never have.. I am just hopeful, and have learned so much for the future. The things we want for our children, and the relationships with their birth mothers are key.. We have definately made a list of things we want for the future and how we can better our relationships with birthmoms.. and always, always know that honesty is key.

Alright, on to more eventful things, now that I have gotten that off my chest. My husband and I just celebrated our 3rd anniversary yesterday.. Needless to say it makes me one proud wifey to think I made it so far with my sweet husband!
He is my best friend, my gaming buddy, my sidekick, and the best person to take on adventures.. He keeps me grounded when I get a little out of hand, and I am so glad he takes me the way I am..
I love you baby with all my heart.

In other news, we have postponed baby making for now. We have both just come to a cross roads, and feel that having our own biological children will not be a possibility. Which I know for some people is disheartening to hear, espeically since we are still young. But, tomorrow is another day. Right? I am however working on regualting my cycle, and losing weight. If I can't have babies I might as well be fit and sexy right?

Here is to another year baby, of long talks, holidays with our daughter, and enjoying each other. To finishing school, starting our dreams, and improving who we are. So that way when 4 years comes around, we can look back and be proud of what we have accomplished.