Thursday, January 27, 2011

I'm only human

So, on days like today, where time seems to move just a little bit slower, and it seems like there is really nothing to do.. I sit... and I day dream.

I just to think about what it would be like if you had a baby, or a child for that matter. I get excited about it, and then I think about my infertility, and then I get a little sad. But, as time goes by, I am slowly starting to think more positively towards the aspect of adoption. I like to think about adoption, I like to think about that dream I had a few months ago, obviously very vivid, and inspirational.

When I was growing up, I remember saying "I don't want to adopt, I'd rather have my own biological children".. Yeah, I think if I could travel through space, I'd kick myself, all things considered I never thought I would be one of those gals standing on the outside looking in. It sucks, yeah, but honestly, I feel like my attitude is improving about the whole situation, and I am just starting to understand, that although my plan for being a mother may have changed, the ultimate goal has not.

Tonight, while I was babysitting, and the little boy I tend to was sitting on my lap, we were watching Monsters Inc. Jon had attempted to get little D, to sit with him again like last week, and little D, was haven't none of that, and that's when I say the little ting of jealousy flash across my sweet hubby's face. I turned to Jon, and asked him if this made him wanted children, Jon blushed, and looked away, and held up his fingers telling me just a little bit. I think, this is truly one of the first times, since we have really put an effort to have children, that Jon has shown that much interest. I truly feel, he is ready to be a dad, and I had to joke back tears, like I am doing now.

So, for today, I am grateful to be a "parent" I may not have any children right now, biological or not. But in small ways, every now and then, I get to show love to one of God's little spirits. Sitting on the ground, terribly uncomfortable, my back aching, but little D, was just enjoying himself, and rather loved sitting on my lap. I cannot wait for my children to just enjoy sitting on my lap, watching Monsters Inc. with Jon and me. I love them already, and they aren't even here, yet.

So, for every time you want to pull your hair our, cause the kids are driving you crazy, just remember there are so many women who would die for that. We are truly blessed, and I am reminded often that the Lord only gives us trials he knows we can handle, and sometimes open a window, to give a little glance of heaven.



Your baby might just need to come in a different uterus, but will be YOURS! Love you, chin up!