A few brief statements..

I know I said I wasn't going to blog for a while, and I'm not, but I thought in passing an update, or milestone should be marked for the time being.

Like I shared previously, I had my follow up appointment, where the doctor was so kind to prescribe provera, to get my cycle started. It worked.. After only two days of taking the medication, I started my period.. It was awful the first two days, I thought I was going to end up in the hospital, and being anemic, I was bleeding that bad. I even called the nurse, who reassured me that was totally normal.. Oh man, I hope I don't have to take that ever again! I would never wish that on my worse enemy!

I started my second round of Clomid on Friday, which is good since I have the weekend to have the majority of my hot flashes. Ironically enough, my hot flashes are not nearly as bad as they were, during my first cycle.

We also, have the opportunity to use our new toy, our clear blue fertility monitor. It's kinda nifty, and even though I haven't started using the test sticks or anything, I am rather enjoying pressing the button every morning, and seeing that it is counting and keeping track of the days for me. Obviously who ever invented this thing, was a genius, and knows how exploit others to get a lot of money.. Luckily I never pay full price for anything like that, and so, that's my way of stickin' it to the man. I know, what a rebel, right?

I am trying harder to not be so over whelmingly depressed, I am started to feel better about a few things, and I feel in certain aspects my attention has been directed to other areas of my life. Perhaps my brain finally snapped, and said "ENOUGH!". Either way, I am attempting to be hopeful, even if on the inside I feel a little foolish to keep trying, after so many failures.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results -Albert Einstein.

But, as a promise to myself, I have set some new guidelines for us trying to conceive.

1. I will keep trying, and taking the medication, if it does not work by the end of October, we are going to take a break.

2. I will actively keep trying til I am 25 years old, before I consider adoption, unless, I am informed sooner, that a pregnancy would be unachievable.

3. I will longer doubt that the Lord has a plan for me, that he hasn't forgotten about me, and that he wants me to be a mother.

I feel better putting it in writing, instead of just saying these words to myself, over and over again in my head.

I am making a dream board to better center myself. Perhaps when I am finished I will post it.

Thanks for the support, sorry that my post have been rather negative the last few times. I am working on it, and hopefully sometime in the near future, I will have the privilege of typing the words out "finally".