Wednesday, February 16, 2011

side note

So before you read this post, I just want you to know, I am beyond happy for any of the friends I have in my life who are able to conceive, and who have been blessed after years of infertility to finally get to the point in their lives, where they throw their hands in the air and shout "hazaa, finally!"

I have spent the last few days feeling a little down in the mouth. I was shocked the other day as I logged onto Facebook, and a friend of mine, after years of trying, and even being approved for adoption, and waiting to be placed with a child... She was blessed with a miracle, and announced her pregnancy. I was thrilled for her and her husband. That is wonderful news, and they down right deserve it.

But, in the back of my mind all I could feel was loneliness. I know, that's a odd way to feel, but honestly. She was told the chance of conception for her and her hubby were around 1%, so literally this is a MIRACLE!! So you should be clapping right now.

I however am now realizing that every single infertile I have known... is now pregnant.. So I guess that means I am the cure for infertility, just become friends with me, or make my acquaintance, and ta-da. You will get knocked up. I am not bitter, I just want you to know this, I am just sad. Sad, that I am more or less the only person I know.. that isn't pregnant, or has children already, and darn it, I am sad. I want nothing more than to be a mother, to plan fun things for them for Christmas, or Easter, or dang it, even St. Patrick's day- favorite holiday, just in case you were wondering. I want to make cute little dresses for my daughters, or tickle them til they can't breath- not really.. what kind of mother would do that?!

I guess, I am just ready for it to be my turn, to announce that we are going to be parents, or that we are adopting, blah blah blah. You know all the mushy sappy things. I want them, and I want people to be happy for me. For once it would be nice to go to the baby shower and know that people are there to celebrate with ME!

Excuse me for ranting, this is however still my infertility blog, and I am still allowed to speak my mind. I have a ton of post that I need to get on, I have a few crafts I have made, a Valentine's date to post, and all sorts of good things commin'.

I hope you all had a great Valentine's and got some lovin'! Especially cause I am not particularly loving at this very moment. Allow me to pout, and I will be better in a few days..


Muriel Miller

First of all I really know with everything in my heart that you WILL be a mom one day, and one Hell of a good one too! You are such a kind and loving person and when its the right time everything will work out the way that its supposed to. I know that there really isn't anything that you can say that will make you feel better but I want you to know that I am always thinking about you and you are definitely in my prayers! We love you!


:( Here's to praying you get your own miracle soon...