Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Bring on the Clomid!

So it's been kind of crazy around here for a few days.. We were anticipating going to the doctors, which was yesterday as I type this. Within the time leading up to the doctors however.. I took it upon myself to pee-on-a-stick.. I'm officially an addict. But, as I did this my attempts seemed to not be in vain. I had taken 4 or 5 test within a three day period, and they were all POSITIVE! I was beyond thrilled..

It didn't last that long..

When we arrived at the doctors office, we had to fill out a ton of paper work, I was so anxious I could hardly contain myself. When we finally got back to the exam room, they asked what we were being seen for, I stated we had been referred by our fertility specialist so we could start clomid, and so my husband could have an SA done. Then, I proceeded to tell the nurse about my 5 positive pregnancy test, and the immediately pushed me into the bathroom, and instructed I once again, pee into a cup. I was more than happy to oblige.

The doctor came in, and I actually had known him while I was growing up. Though it had been many years since I had seen him. We told him why were there, and about the pregnancy test, and that they were performing a urine test as we spoke. Moments later the nurse brought in a hot pink posted note, and handed it to the other nurse sitting in the room, who sat it on the counter. I hate having good eyes- because before the doctor could even tell us the results I could read it. NEG -, that's all it said. But I let the doctor finish what he was saying, and then he picked up the posted note, and puzzling looked at me, with the response I already knew.

He said he wasn't convinced, especially since I had so many test say positive. So they decided to draw my blood. The doctor said we should be prepared anyhow, and wrote out a prescription for my clomid, and for Jon's SA. He then instructed us pending the blood test results we could either put in the prescriptions, or we have the privilege to rip the prescriptions up..

Well here I sit, Wednesday morning, rather sure I'm in fact NOT pregnant. I have started spotting a little, and although I have gone online and researched that early spotting in pregnancy is normal, and that a lot of women go to the doctor after receiving a positive HPT, and the doctors test is negative, but the blood test is positive. I am pretty much expecting the worst.

You try for so long, that you just kinda get use to being the failure every single time. I explained it like this to Jon, it's like standing in line with a ticket number, but instead of a number it just says the word "NEXT". And I'm just standing and waiting, while women behind me step up to the line, and their number is instantly called. It's just never ending, and never achieving cycle.

I am not thrilled about my pending cycle of clomid, the hormone swings, not to mention I will be doing this cycle in July, when it's super hot. Blah! It pretty much sucks, I was that close, or so I thought, and now I am 4 steps back from where I was.

Here is looking up. Jon, and I are going to be having a BBQ at the end of the month, I am looking forward to that! Here is to July, to Clomid, and to hopefully future pregnancies!