So, recently I have greatly avoided blogging about myself. Especially my infertility journey, mostly because my journey had more or less hit a bump in the road, and there were pieces laying strewn about the ground that desperately needed to be picked up, and I had no idea where to begin. As the dust has settled, and I am climbing back up to stand on my feet. I am anxious for this new journey. Especially since I now feel I am much more capable hands, compared to the last time we attempted anything in regards to our infertility.
Well the last time I left you with any details, we were just getting ready to do an un-medicated cycle. Which by the way, they drew my blood on cd:21.. my progesterone was a .2.. That's right. My body didn't even think about ovulating.. I only cried for a half hour. Put on my big girl panties.. waited 14 more days took a hpt to rule out a pregnancy-Waste of money. Then started progesterone.. which gives me the period from hell, including death cramps. The next cycle, so July. We started out with 50mg of clomid cd 3-5. Which, I wasn't anticipating any miracles with 50mg as I never even got a positive opk the last time I tried the 50mg.. but Kellie, wanted to start out slow.. STORY OF MY LIFE! Well.. cd:21.. progesterone. A whole whoppin' .8.. That's it.. my body barely nudged. I cried a bit longer that time.. waited another 14 days, took another hpt- more wasted money. Started progesterone, and my period promptly arrived the next day. Side Note: after informing the nurse of how quickly my period started after only one day of progesterone. She informed me, that means I was going to start on my own, and that the progesterone did absolutely nothing to help.. Okay so that was a little bit of good news.
Well, on to August, with 100mg of clomid. Have you noticed, both times I have taken clomid just happened to be in the two hottest months of the year.. I highly recommend you take clomid, or another other hot flash inducing medication during the winter.. So cd:21 rolled around on the 12th of Sept, so just about a week ago.. My progesterone.. drum roll please?! 5.6!!!!!! That's right! Not only did my body respond, it was a huge jump from the last month!! So, as my spidey Internet senses tell me... anything above a 5 on or around cd 21.. usually means you are currently ovulating.. Don't take my word for it, as almost every site I read on it, seemed to have a different answer. However, a late ovulation, is much better than no ovulation. Phew!
But, this explains so much! I really wish that I had made my previous doctor do blood work, instead of just assuming the 100mg was sufficient. We intend on doing another round or two of clomid bumping it up to 150mg next month. Which I am not thrilled about, but it makes me hopeful that we could potentially be successful on a higher dose. Although, at this point.. Lets be honest.. When you go this long trying to get pregnant, you laugh at the thought of it actually happening..
Alright, well I guess we wait and see what the next few days brings us.. hoping my cycle start all on it's own and I don't have to take the awful period inducing progesterone.. Alright, I am gettin' outta here, and goin' to watch my bestie deliver a baby! You should be jealous! Night ya'll
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
What to know, before you go!: infertility journey
Recently, I have been busy with a few things, especially regarding my infertility, and as I approach the near end of this year. I am confronted with the thought, I have been trying to get pregnant for over 3 years now.. 3 years of my life dedicated to getting knocked up, do you know how much sex that is?! Really I am sure that my husband isn't really complaining too much. But, we have hit a lot of bumps in the road, and I just know, that there are things that I wish I had known then, that I know now.. That could have saved me so much hassle.
I had a dear friend of mine, send me a message the other day, asking if I could give her some tips and suggestions as she and her husband start their process. That's when it dawned on me.. Everyone should know. I am pretty sure as your browse the Internet-FYI MOMENT: Most infertile are great at browsing the Internet. Seriously, I have some wicked skills. I know how to type in something just right to get the answer I am looking for. Any way, as I was saying. As you browse the Internet, you are bound to find a ton of suggestions and different ways to improve your journey, but this right here. This is a post with a great list, from different contributing infertiles such as myself.
1. Don't waste your time: True story, time is not always your friend. If you have been trying to conceive for a year or more without a pregnancy. GO GET CHECKED!!! If you are over 35 and have been trying for 6 months, GO GET CHECKED!!! Allowing more time, or thinking that you haven't given it enough time, is a recipe for more heart ache later on.
2. It is okay to grieve. Infertility is a real loss. It's a loss of your dreams, your wants for the future. When you hear those words your worlds come crashing in, and it is okay to scream, punch a pillow, and eat lots of ice cream.
3. Before you start with just any old physician.. Make sure you check their knowledge on infertility, if you have questions they can't answer, leave! I know not everyone is ready to jump into the Reproductive Doctors Office. So look into options. If you are seeking to just run some test, check your levels, or basic ultrasounds. A good OB can do that for you. They can even prescribe clomid- FYI MOMENT: If your Dr is willing to write you a prescription for clomid, but won't do a blood test to check for ovulation later in your cycle. NOT THE DR FOR YOU!!! I promise this will save you lots of time, and money if you can find an OB that is willing to do that. By the time you walk into an Re's office, you will have plenty of records and proof that you were running test, and hopefully have found out your issues, before you shell out the big bucks.
4. Research different ways of checking for ovulation, and for improving your chances of conception. Believe it or not, there are different things you can do. Ovulation Prediction Kits, Cervical Mucus, Temperature.. Timing sex just right, etc. Don't just assume that have sex will get you pregnant-Before you say anything, just having sex CAN get you pregnant, I mean thousands of people do it every year.. But you may need some more help..
5. Know the differences between a regular doctor, your OB, and an RE;Reproductive Endocrinologist. Just because your doctor has a medical degree from fancy college.. does not make him a specialist on infertility.
6. Know what kind of test SHOULD be performed in order to rule certain issues out. You can find info HERE and HERE. Remember knowledge is power, and lets face it. Some of the time, your will have more knowledge about your body, then your doctor.
7. Remember, it's okay to release your inner bitch! Becoming your own advocate will get you so far with infertility. Some doctors want to drag their feet.. Don't let them. Or find a different doctor. I wast 6 months with a doctor only to find out later, biggest waste of time and money!
8. Infertility is hard enough as it is, but if you can't become your own voice, and stand up for your needs. You will not be doing yourself any good. It is okay to be selfish in these time. If you need to skip a baby shower, or skipping out a family dinner cause your cousin is pregnant, again, for the 3rd time. Then do it. Your family, and your friends may not support you, and call you out on it. Who cares. You DESERVE HAPPINESS, and until you can cope with infertility, you are completely allowed to skip certain events.
9. Don't assume everyone will be compassionate about your pain. Some people might say they understand, or they are sorry. People will say THE DUMBEST things to you, assuming it will help. Let it roll off your back. There are support groups throughout the country, and support groups online. There will always be SOMEONE you understands. Don't be afraid to reach out.
10. Infertility takes a toll on everything.. Your marriage, your health, your relationships, your finances, It can at times become a complete obsession. Find different was of rekindling your romance, or different ways to celebrate small triumphs.
11. Having a baby, doesn't fix your sorrows and real pain of infertility. Adopting a baby, or conceiving one doesn't erase the pain you went through to get to that point. Your reality of infertility is just that, REALITY.
12. You can never do enough research. Seriously. Research EVERYTHING!!! The meds, the doctors, everything under the sun!! I have looked up countless things on the Internet attempting to gain some knowledge, and it has really helped. If you can't find it, don't be afraid to call you doctor, or find another infertile, and hit her up!
13. Always remember.. Infertility does not define you as a person. Although it has, and will create a huge impact on your life.. It doesn't mean you are that person. Break free from that mold. Become an advocate for infertility. It is a real disease, thousands and thousands of people are suffering from it. Don't be afraid to stand up and speak out. Someone else could be suffering in silence, and you could be their saving grace.
I wish I could hug you, and tell you that everything is going to be alright. But I can't make that promise. You are the maker of your life, and you can control the path you take. Knowledge is power. Don't lose hope, don't let infertility consume you. You are better than this, and some stupid condition isn't going to rule your life.
I hope this has helped. It was wonderful to be able to get some insight from the other ladies in my life that have, and or are in the same shoes as myself. Be brave in your journey, regardless of where it takes you.
I had a dear friend of mine, send me a message the other day, asking if I could give her some tips and suggestions as she and her husband start their process. That's when it dawned on me.. Everyone should know. I am pretty sure as your browse the Internet-FYI MOMENT: Most infertile are great at browsing the Internet. Seriously, I have some wicked skills. I know how to type in something just right to get the answer I am looking for. Any way, as I was saying. As you browse the Internet, you are bound to find a ton of suggestions and different ways to improve your journey, but this right here. This is a post with a great list, from different contributing infertiles such as myself.
1. Don't waste your time: True story, time is not always your friend. If you have been trying to conceive for a year or more without a pregnancy. GO GET CHECKED!!! If you are over 35 and have been trying for 6 months, GO GET CHECKED!!! Allowing more time, or thinking that you haven't given it enough time, is a recipe for more heart ache later on.
2. It is okay to grieve. Infertility is a real loss. It's a loss of your dreams, your wants for the future. When you hear those words your worlds come crashing in, and it is okay to scream, punch a pillow, and eat lots of ice cream.
3. Before you start with just any old physician.. Make sure you check their knowledge on infertility, if you have questions they can't answer, leave! I know not everyone is ready to jump into the Reproductive Doctors Office. So look into options. If you are seeking to just run some test, check your levels, or basic ultrasounds. A good OB can do that for you. They can even prescribe clomid- FYI MOMENT: If your Dr is willing to write you a prescription for clomid, but won't do a blood test to check for ovulation later in your cycle. NOT THE DR FOR YOU!!! I promise this will save you lots of time, and money if you can find an OB that is willing to do that. By the time you walk into an Re's office, you will have plenty of records and proof that you were running test, and hopefully have found out your issues, before you shell out the big bucks.
4. Research different ways of checking for ovulation, and for improving your chances of conception. Believe it or not, there are different things you can do. Ovulation Prediction Kits, Cervical Mucus, Temperature.. Timing sex just right, etc. Don't just assume that have sex will get you pregnant-Before you say anything, just having sex CAN get you pregnant, I mean thousands of people do it every year.. But you may need some more help..
5. Know the differences between a regular doctor, your OB, and an RE;Reproductive Endocrinologist. Just because your doctor has a medical degree from fancy college.. does not make him a specialist on infertility.
6. Know what kind of test SHOULD be performed in order to rule certain issues out. You can find info HERE and HERE. Remember knowledge is power, and lets face it. Some of the time, your will have more knowledge about your body, then your doctor.
7. Remember, it's okay to release your inner bitch! Becoming your own advocate will get you so far with infertility. Some doctors want to drag their feet.. Don't let them. Or find a different doctor. I wast 6 months with a doctor only to find out later, biggest waste of time and money!
8. Infertility is hard enough as it is, but if you can't become your own voice, and stand up for your needs. You will not be doing yourself any good. It is okay to be selfish in these time. If you need to skip a baby shower, or skipping out a family dinner cause your cousin is pregnant, again, for the 3rd time. Then do it. Your family, and your friends may not support you, and call you out on it. Who cares. You DESERVE HAPPINESS, and until you can cope with infertility, you are completely allowed to skip certain events.
9. Don't assume everyone will be compassionate about your pain. Some people might say they understand, or they are sorry. People will say THE DUMBEST things to you, assuming it will help. Let it roll off your back. There are support groups throughout the country, and support groups online. There will always be SOMEONE you understands. Don't be afraid to reach out.
10. Infertility takes a toll on everything.. Your marriage, your health, your relationships, your finances, It can at times become a complete obsession. Find different was of rekindling your romance, or different ways to celebrate small triumphs.
11. Having a baby, doesn't fix your sorrows and real pain of infertility. Adopting a baby, or conceiving one doesn't erase the pain you went through to get to that point. Your reality of infertility is just that, REALITY.
12. You can never do enough research. Seriously. Research EVERYTHING!!! The meds, the doctors, everything under the sun!! I have looked up countless things on the Internet attempting to gain some knowledge, and it has really helped. If you can't find it, don't be afraid to call you doctor, or find another infertile, and hit her up!
13. Always remember.. Infertility does not define you as a person. Although it has, and will create a huge impact on your life.. It doesn't mean you are that person. Break free from that mold. Become an advocate for infertility. It is a real disease, thousands and thousands of people are suffering from it. Don't be afraid to stand up and speak out. Someone else could be suffering in silence, and you could be their saving grace.
I wish I could hug you, and tell you that everything is going to be alright. But I can't make that promise. You are the maker of your life, and you can control the path you take. Knowledge is power. Don't lose hope, don't let infertility consume you. You are better than this, and some stupid condition isn't going to rule your life.
I hope this has helped. It was wonderful to be able to get some insight from the other ladies in my life that have, and or are in the same shoes as myself. Be brave in your journey, regardless of where it takes you.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
No excuses!
Alright, alright.. I know.. I am bad..
I went almost the entire summer without blogging once.. and I bet you are all wondering what the heck I have been up to, or maybe even wondering if I was still alive.. No worries, I am still kickin'.
We have had such an amazing summer, and cannot believe it is almost over! We finalized our adoption.. Hurray! We celebrated Izzebel's first birthday.. We got to visit with family that we haven't seen in ages.. and last but not least.. we got to take our sweet baby girl to the temple and be sealed to her..
It was truly amazing.. I cried the whole time.. Like I do in everything else.. What can I say.. I am a big ol' cry baby!-ask my husband..
We also, went to the water park, one too many times, Izzebel took her first swimming lessons, her first steps, and started saying a few words. We adore her, and cannot imagine life without her. I will post a few pictures in the next few days of everything we got to do this summer!
Also, this summer.. I started a new job working graves, it's hard getting use to staying up all night, but I am liking it so far. We also started looking into regulating my cycle and getting my body to ovulate.. I am still taking my metformin, and I am currently on my second cycle of clomid.. I do however have to say, that journey is a whole other post just because there is so much to tell, that just breezing over it right now, just wouldn't be fair..
I am loving life right now. I have a wacky little family, and we aren't perfect by any means.. But I love them like crazy. I am so glad that we are finally over with our long ordeal, and that for the first time in a long time, I feel normal. Now I am wrapped up in looking forward to Holidays, snow, baking, making memories with my sweet little family. I love adoption, and I love what it has done for our family, and I am so grateful for this whole experience.
Thank you for reading, and for being patient with me, as I slowly get back into the swing of things. There will be more post, more FREQUENT post.. and lots of good things to come..
I can't wait..
I went almost the entire summer without blogging once.. and I bet you are all wondering what the heck I have been up to, or maybe even wondering if I was still alive.. No worries, I am still kickin'.
We have had such an amazing summer, and cannot believe it is almost over! We finalized our adoption.. Hurray! We celebrated Izzebel's first birthday.. We got to visit with family that we haven't seen in ages.. and last but not least.. we got to take our sweet baby girl to the temple and be sealed to her..
It was truly amazing.. I cried the whole time.. Like I do in everything else.. What can I say.. I am a big ol' cry baby!-ask my husband..
We also, went to the water park, one too many times, Izzebel took her first swimming lessons, her first steps, and started saying a few words. We adore her, and cannot imagine life without her. I will post a few pictures in the next few days of everything we got to do this summer!
Also, this summer.. I started a new job working graves, it's hard getting use to staying up all night, but I am liking it so far. We also started looking into regulating my cycle and getting my body to ovulate.. I am still taking my metformin, and I am currently on my second cycle of clomid.. I do however have to say, that journey is a whole other post just because there is so much to tell, that just breezing over it right now, just wouldn't be fair..
I am loving life right now. I have a wacky little family, and we aren't perfect by any means.. But I love them like crazy. I am so glad that we are finally over with our long ordeal, and that for the first time in a long time, I feel normal. Now I am wrapped up in looking forward to Holidays, snow, baking, making memories with my sweet little family. I love adoption, and I love what it has done for our family, and I am so grateful for this whole experience.
Thank you for reading, and for being patient with me, as I slowly get back into the swing of things. There will be more post, more FREQUENT post.. and lots of good things to come..
I can't wait..
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Envious..
First off.. I have to explain my title.. I am having birth mother envy.. I see and read all the cute other posting on Facebook, and blogs about adoptive families, with amazing Birthmoms.. and I really wish that Izze's birth mom had been that awesome.. It makes me sad, to think that over a year ago, we had made so many plans, wanted to include her in so many things, and now.. all we have are broken hearts over the relationship we will never have.. I am just hopeful, and have learned so much for the future. The things we want for our children, and the relationships with their birth mothers are key.. We have definately made a list of things we want for the future and how we can better our relationships with birthmoms.. and always, always know that honesty is key.
Alright, on to more eventful things, now that I have gotten that off my chest. My husband and I just celebrated our 3rd anniversary yesterday.. Needless to say it makes me one proud wifey to think I made it so far with my sweet husband!
He is my best friend, my gaming buddy, my sidekick, and the best person to take on adventures.. He keeps me grounded when I get a little out of hand, and I am so glad he takes me the way I am..
I love you baby with all my heart.
In other news, we have postponed baby making for now. We have both just come to a cross roads, and feel that having our own biological children will not be a possibility. Which I know for some people is disheartening to hear, espeically since we are still young. But, tomorrow is another day. Right? I am however working on regualting my cycle, and losing weight. If I can't have babies I might as well be fit and sexy right?
Here is to another year baby, of long talks, holidays with our daughter, and enjoying each other. To finishing school, starting our dreams, and improving who we are. So that way when 4 years comes around, we can look back and be proud of what we have accomplished.
Friday, June 22, 2012
My heart is healing..
We are just weeks away from being Sealed to Izzebel.. I called the temple, and have scheduled the event. We also have a couple of weeks under our belts of Izze officially being ours. It's been an amazing couple of weeks. We celebrated Izze's first birthday, which we will have an official celebration at the end of July following our sealing.. We also got Izze's ears pierced, and she did amazing. The gal who did it, was so impressed, Izze barely even cried.. So proud!
It's interesting how in the past year I have worked around what other people want or don't want in regards to Izzebel.. I no longer have to make arrangements for court ordered visitations, or make sure we don't do a single thing with out someones permission. We can do things with out asking a soul.. Just the way it should be. And now.. we are crossing the last thresh hold of being restrained.. I have avoided for a long time letting my personal life become public out of fear of retaliation from our birth mother, and also of fear of harassment. It is something that has plagued the back of my mind for weeks. Days following the birth mother relinquishment I feared picking up my phone, that the birth mother would text demanding to see Izzebel. Although I would not have obliged those request, it still is unsettling to get them..
This afternoon, I got an impression that I needed to search the Salt Lake County Jail records for our birth mother.. I had been doing it on almost a weekly basis the first few following weeks.. But that had dwindled after nothing came to fruition.. Upon discovering that the birth mother was not incarcerated in the SLC county jail, I decided to search for her in obituaries, in the off chance that heaven forbid she had passed.. When I googled her name.. and lo and behold.. the first result.. Her booking in the SLC jail, on June 5th.. I nearly fell over myself running to show my husband the words on the screen.. I finally felt vindicated..
For so long, I felt that the birth mother put on a facade and convinced everyone, that she could do no wrong.. I continually felt that no matter what I said, no matter what proof I had.. No one would believe me.. I finally feel for the first time, that she has no influence in our lives anymore.. I had attempted on several occasions to write about how I felt about our birth mother, and I just never felt like I could get those feelings across properly, especially since I still feared retaliation.. But now. I can breath, and acknowledge that this small piece I was holding on to.. it's gone. I could cry. I am so glad that there is finally relief, and now I can feel that I can truly forgive her, and have pity for her..
Everything has a time, and a season, and now, I can completely love my family, and no longer let her rent a space in my mind..
To our birth mother,
If you ever read this, which I am sure in time you may.. You continually fooled many people, including us. You strung us along, lying, and plotting in hopes to get what you want. DCFS gave you a power, where you felt that you would be victorious-shame on you. This is a little girl, a person. A human being! How dare you use her against us, how dare you toy with our emotions, and how dare you expect immediate forgiveness, for the real pain, and heart ache, you not only cause us.. but another family. You should be ashamed of yourself. Don't you ever blame us for YOUR unhappiness.
We offered you the world, even after you hurt us, and lied to us. We wanted to make it work, and you lied to us. To our faces. In our home! Have no worries about the things we will say about you in the future. We will not allow you to take up space in our minds, or energy into our words. When Izze ask, we will say you loved her. That will be that.. I will never lower myself to speak poorly on your behalf.
You were selfish, you hurt so many people, and I am so glad that I am finally done with you, and can officially wash my hands of you. I will say one last pray for you. To find happiness, to over come your addiction, and for you to have the best life you could possibly have.. and that day we walk into the Temple, and we are sealed to Izzebel.. I will never utter your name again..
The only way, you will ever feel forgiveness from me.. is when you can apologize with a truly humble heart, and identify that the things that took place in this past year, were a result of your actions.
and now.. I feel peace.
It's interesting how in the past year I have worked around what other people want or don't want in regards to Izzebel.. I no longer have to make arrangements for court ordered visitations, or make sure we don't do a single thing with out someones permission. We can do things with out asking a soul.. Just the way it should be. And now.. we are crossing the last thresh hold of being restrained.. I have avoided for a long time letting my personal life become public out of fear of retaliation from our birth mother, and also of fear of harassment. It is something that has plagued the back of my mind for weeks. Days following the birth mother relinquishment I feared picking up my phone, that the birth mother would text demanding to see Izzebel. Although I would not have obliged those request, it still is unsettling to get them..
This afternoon, I got an impression that I needed to search the Salt Lake County Jail records for our birth mother.. I had been doing it on almost a weekly basis the first few following weeks.. But that had dwindled after nothing came to fruition.. Upon discovering that the birth mother was not incarcerated in the SLC county jail, I decided to search for her in obituaries, in the off chance that heaven forbid she had passed.. When I googled her name.. and lo and behold.. the first result.. Her booking in the SLC jail, on June 5th.. I nearly fell over myself running to show my husband the words on the screen.. I finally felt vindicated..
For so long, I felt that the birth mother put on a facade and convinced everyone, that she could do no wrong.. I continually felt that no matter what I said, no matter what proof I had.. No one would believe me.. I finally feel for the first time, that she has no influence in our lives anymore.. I had attempted on several occasions to write about how I felt about our birth mother, and I just never felt like I could get those feelings across properly, especially since I still feared retaliation.. But now. I can breath, and acknowledge that this small piece I was holding on to.. it's gone. I could cry. I am so glad that there is finally relief, and now I can feel that I can truly forgive her, and have pity for her..
Everything has a time, and a season, and now, I can completely love my family, and no longer let her rent a space in my mind..
To our birth mother,
If you ever read this, which I am sure in time you may.. You continually fooled many people, including us. You strung us along, lying, and plotting in hopes to get what you want. DCFS gave you a power, where you felt that you would be victorious-shame on you. This is a little girl, a person. A human being! How dare you use her against us, how dare you toy with our emotions, and how dare you expect immediate forgiveness, for the real pain, and heart ache, you not only cause us.. but another family. You should be ashamed of yourself. Don't you ever blame us for YOUR unhappiness.
We offered you the world, even after you hurt us, and lied to us. We wanted to make it work, and you lied to us. To our faces. In our home! Have no worries about the things we will say about you in the future. We will not allow you to take up space in our minds, or energy into our words. When Izze ask, we will say you loved her. That will be that.. I will never lower myself to speak poorly on your behalf.
You were selfish, you hurt so many people, and I am so glad that I am finally done with you, and can officially wash my hands of you. I will say one last pray for you. To find happiness, to over come your addiction, and for you to have the best life you could possibly have.. and that day we walk into the Temple, and we are sealed to Izzebel.. I will never utter your name again..
The only way, you will ever feel forgiveness from me.. is when you can apologize with a truly humble heart, and identify that the things that took place in this past year, were a result of your actions.
and now.. I feel peace.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
just a year..
It's just a year... that's all. But, a year from today seems like a life time.. But to say a year ago today, goes by in the blink of an eye.. Just over a year ago, I was counting down to a special surprise.. What you may now know as days before my little girl was born. In less than a week, that little girl will celebrate her first birthday. I cannot believe that a year has come and gone, and we are on the doorsteps of a new year. So many things have happen. I have experienced pure joy, such as the first time I held Izze, and I have experienced the worst heart break of my life.. The moment we handed Izze to our attorney and he walked away with her.. and then I have experienced the Lords hand in my life in one sweet tender mercy, and miracle. The moment I discovered Izze had been removed from the birthmothers custody, just two days later, and they placed her back in my arms.
My step father was smart enough, the day we lost Izze in November, he took photos. I had not seen these photos, until a few weeks ago.. To see the sorrow on all my families faces, I couldn't even make it through all of the photographs without crying. I know this story ended happily, but at the time, I was convinced I would never see her again, and those emotions come back. I realize more than ever how completely blessed we have been, and how much the Lord intended for Izze to be a part of our eternal family.
Lately, I have been blessed again, by seeing how much this year has truly affected my family around me. I continuelly hear the words " We didn't think it would happen, but that little girl was meant to be in our family".. I know this, I knew this the moment I laid eyes on her, the moment I held her against my chest, even the day we lost her, and I walked away from the court house empty handed, convinced I would never see her again. The very next morning, I looked at Jon, I said "I don't know how, but she will be back in our home within the week" I could never imagine, it would happen less than 48 hours after we had lost her.
Over a year ago, I was concerened with the thought that our family may not be able to love an adopted child.. Would she be excepted? Today, I look at that little girl, and I don't see an adopted child, I don't see a little girl who is not biologically related to me.. I see my daughter. I see my miracle. Sometimes I even forget she is adopted.. That is by far my favorite part.
To my friends and my family, your testamonies of faith and love have truly overwhelmed me. I cannot begin to tell you the gratitude I feel in my heart to have your example in my life. I feel like this year has gone by so quickly, though at the time, it felt like it was dragging. It's gone. the termoil, the stress.. All we have now is the rest of our lives. There were many nights I felt isolated, and alone, but now as the darkness is clearing, I can finally see that I was not alone. There was an army of people behind me. Praying, and fasting with us. Living in this moment with us. I am speechless, I know that the prayers of many move mountains..
My step father was smart enough, the day we lost Izze in November, he took photos. I had not seen these photos, until a few weeks ago.. To see the sorrow on all my families faces, I couldn't even make it through all of the photographs without crying. I know this story ended happily, but at the time, I was convinced I would never see her again, and those emotions come back. I realize more than ever how completely blessed we have been, and how much the Lord intended for Izze to be a part of our eternal family.
Lately, I have been blessed again, by seeing how much this year has truly affected my family around me. I continuelly hear the words " We didn't think it would happen, but that little girl was meant to be in our family".. I know this, I knew this the moment I laid eyes on her, the moment I held her against my chest, even the day we lost her, and I walked away from the court house empty handed, convinced I would never see her again. The very next morning, I looked at Jon, I said "I don't know how, but she will be back in our home within the week" I could never imagine, it would happen less than 48 hours after we had lost her.
Over a year ago, I was concerened with the thought that our family may not be able to love an adopted child.. Would she be excepted? Today, I look at that little girl, and I don't see an adopted child, I don't see a little girl who is not biologically related to me.. I see my daughter. I see my miracle. Sometimes I even forget she is adopted.. That is by far my favorite part.
To my friends and my family, your testamonies of faith and love have truly overwhelmed me. I cannot begin to tell you the gratitude I feel in my heart to have your example in my life. I feel like this year has gone by so quickly, though at the time, it felt like it was dragging. It's gone. the termoil, the stress.. All we have now is the rest of our lives. There were many nights I felt isolated, and alone, but now as the darkness is clearing, I can finally see that I was not alone. There was an army of people behind me. Praying, and fasting with us. Living in this moment with us. I am speechless, I know that the prayers of many move mountains..
We are now, moving forward with our plans to bless Izze, and to have her sealed to our family. I just finished her blessing gown.. I cried a little as I looked at what I had done.. I cannot believe in just a few months she will wear this, and then I will FINALLY feel like this is over.. that the year and some change we waited.. will be over.. We can finally begin our happily ever after..
It's just a year.. just one.
what would you be willing to experience, to go through, to reach your happily ever after?
Friday, June 1, 2012
Kiss my Lime-Dressing
Alright, so I know everyone kinda has a spin-off version of cilantro dressing.. just like the kind at the covetted Cafe Rio.. But, I have been using this recipe for years, and it has been okay.. But today I decided to do something a little different, and I couldn't believe how amazing it was!! We served it at the family dinner and it got mad reviews!!
Ingredients
1 pack (1oz) Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing Mix
Just the packet, no need to worry about the directions on the back..
1 C mayo
1/2 C milk1 lime-Or Lime juice.. which is was I use..
2 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
1/2 C roughly chopped cilantro*
1/4 C green salsa
hot sauce-to taste
*side note- I am not overly crazy about cilantro.. I used barely any in my recipe, and I just did it to taste.
Alright, nothing too fancy.. I will however say that I have used different green salsa before but the
La Costena was by far the best I have used when it comes to this recipe!!
Alright, pull out your blender, or your bullet.. and empty your ranch packet in.. I know this sounds crazy but trust me.. I did it this way and it made the world of difference..
Add your milk, and blend until the ranch and milk look well blended and the milk has some bubbles.. or looks frothy.. if that's a worth... add your mayo, and your green salsa... and of course blend.. Now ad the garlic..
add lime and hot sauce to taste..
I tasted it after almost every ingredient.. I wanted that perfect blend.. Also, start with a little cilantro.. like not even one Tbs.. it's easier to add than to take away right?
Super easy, and always a favorite. Make sure you make it a couple of hours ahead so you can put it in the fridge to thicken..
Enjoy
For a stellar recipe for Pork Barbacoa to go with your dressing check out this blog HERE.
You can find the blog I got this recipe from HERE.. Mind you I did mine slighty different.
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