one more thing... side note

I have also decided not to post our adoption story on this blog.. it is very public, and it's a rather personal story that I would like to keep from judgemental eyes.. If you would like to read my private family blog, please feel free to leave a comment with your email address. All comments are private and come straight to me and I will not publish the comments, that way no one else will have your email. Or feel free to text me or email me any other way you see fit..

Sorry to those that swing by, and don't really wanna take the time to follow the other blog.. We have been hurt considerably by our birth mothers actions and do not want to give her the opportunity to find more ways to peer into our lives..

Thank you

it's just the beginning.. finally..

 We made it.. I don't think I have ever been so excited for any one day in my life-well minus my wedding day, but lets face it.. this one had a rather large build up.. We finalized our adoption today. After a long battle to get here, and with many ups and down, and multiple delays. We are finally, OFFICIALLY a family.. I only mean official by legal standards.. I already knew we were a family otherwise.

We were up bright and early getting ready.. I knew Izze would need a bath so I went in and distrubed her slumber..

As you can clearly tell.. she wasn't one bit upset about getting up so early. I think she could feel the excitement.. It's not everyday mom gets her up this early AND lets her take a bath! Needless to say we were ready like twenty mins before we even needed to leave. She was wearing the most adoarble blue dress. It looked amazing on her. And her hair peice matched. Oh too perfect.

Here is Izze with the Judge finalizing the adoption and making it official. Izze loved this part. Mainly because she got to play with the pen, quickly followed by the judge letting her play with the gavel.

During the whole ordeal, I was a little anxious, nervous that some other hiccups would pop up, even as the judge spoke, and acknowledge that as difficult as it was back in November to give Izze back to her birth mother, the judge was only following the law. The judge, then proceeded to tell us, that making that decision was not easy, that she could see how emotionally devastated we were when she made the ruling.. But, she said she will never forget what the court clearks told her the day we got Izze back.. The clerks had informed the judge that Izze's face lit up when the dcfs worker came around the corner and she saw me for the first time in almost 48 hours. Of course I cried even more.

I feel so over whelmed with emotions today, and cannot believe that we are finally done. That things are official, and our little Izze is finally a Mathie..

This was such an amazing experience. I feel so blessed to have been given this opportunity, and that my friends and family could be there to support us today. There was so much love in that courtroom. Compared to the one time when we sat so grief striking as the judge told us we had to return Izze.. The Lord truly works miracles. I have never seen the Lords hand more powerfully than in other time in my life.

I want to share one more thing and then I will leave my computer behind for the day and go snuggle my girl.

A few days after we lost Izze, and then she was so quickly returned to us. I was filling out her baby book we have, and I realized I had never looked up the mean of Izze's name.. Believe me, when I say how shocked I was to discover the meaning of her name was: God's Promise..

As I read those words I knew the Lord had intended for this little girl to be part of our family. Why else would he allow for so many trials, followed by so many blessings.

We love you Izzebel.

I am so happy to be your mommy, now, and always.

twiddling my thumbs...

Alright, so I haven't been on here for a while.. I have been taking my time, convincing myself I had something to write about.. Well, I do, I just can't write about it yet... But, we are still waiting to finalize our adoption, we are eager and excited with anticipation. I can't believe we are so close...

Other than that things are just as busy as every around here. We are having lots of fun and exciting things happening, and we cannot wait for summer to get here. We even enrolled Izze in swim lessons. this little girl loves water so much, I just know she is going to love being in the pool.

In fact I spoke with the swim instructor on the phone the other day, and the gal asked me if Izze took naps during the day so we could cordinate a swim time.. I laughed and told her no matter what time it is, no matter how cold the water is.. This little girl will be the first one in the pool, and the last one out. Serioulsy we set the pool up the other day, and my best friend B and her little girl came over.. The water was freezing, and there was a slight breeze, so it didn't make things any better.. Izze was so instant in getting in the pool, and even after her little teeth started to chatter, she didn't want to get out.. It was adorable.

Thankfully we purchased those pass of all passes- if you aren't from Utah these things are amazing. You buy one pass, and you get into free at all sorts of places, sports games, fun centers, a local water park, the works. It had already paid for it's self.. well we bought ours on sale for $10.. so yes, it already paid for it's self, but we will be able to go to the water park as often as we want, and I am positive Izze will love it!

Okay, please keep checking back for updates, and happenings. I promise I will be posting our adoption story as soon as I can!

Also, a quick thank you to everyone who came out to our party. Thank you for your support! We love you guys!

I spoke too soon!

I got an unexpected call from my Gyno office today. Apparently my wonderful nurse practitioner changed her mind on plans we had made last week during my session of phone calls to the office asking about clomid. I was just suppose to call on the first day of my next cycle, have them write me a pretty prescription for hot-flash inducing clomid. But, we have decided to skip this cycle. We are going to test my progesterone levels on day 21 of my next cycle.. Ugh more waiting?!

I hate this part of infertility.. not so much the fact that I can't get pregnant by sneezing.. It's the fact I gotta wait to get pregnant. Or even test to see if I am ovulating..  This totally reminds me.

My sister just celebrated her birthday over the weekend and at the birthday party we played a game called 'What If?' You take a peice of paper and a pen, and write down a what if question. You then fold the paper, and place it in a hat, bowl, whatever. After everyone places their paper in the the bowl, you then devide the papers, hoping you down get the one you put in. If it happens just trade with someone. You then read the new question on your paper, and write down an answer. After everyone has written down their answer, the game really starts.

So say, I read my question. The person to my right read their answer. Sometimes it doesn't make any sense, other times it's hilarious. Any way, back to my story.

So, one of the questions someone wrote down was, 'What if it only took 9 days to have a baby and not 9 months?'. Could you imagine? lol, it would take out all of the waiting.. lol. The only down side is, thinking of how many periods you would have a year?! YIKES!

Alright off to go wait for af to visit me! I hope everyone had a great weekend, and as sad as I am that we will not be finalizing our adoption this week. We are excited to finalize by the end of the month, and hopefully be able to have even more good news! Woot!

I should know better...

Ugh, You would think I would have learned my lesson the first time around.. but noo... I am once again finding myself counting days, and anticipating every movement my cycle makes.. Which as of late is getting harder and harder to do.. It never does anything it's suppose to do.. Shame on you cycle!

Sigh, anyway... This morning, I finally broke down and called to ask the nurse about possibly being proscribed clomid.. Something I am dreading greatly, especially since last time we did this, it was fruitless efforts. I am not looking forward to the next 4 months of possible hot flashes, mood swings-my poor husband, and the potential failure. Although this time, we have a plan. We know what we want to accomplish by the end of the year, and if those things do not happen, we will most likely shut down our efforts to conceive naturally.. At least at this time, since doing ivf, is not a possibility right now. We will most likely continue to journey down our road of adoption, and foster care. Which I am fine with. I know that our chances are slim, but I am willing to give it one last shot!

Alright, here is my kick off to May, more infertility happenings and what not. I know you are just so excited about this. I can tell. I will keep ya posted, since I will most likely start clomid in the next week or two.. Gulp.. not excited...

Once again...

Things have come to a screetching halt.. Our adoption has been pushed back.. We are unsure of when it will take place.. To those who received invites.. They are still good. I will let you know more as soon as I can.. Thank you.