Feeling enlighted...

So, I was recently using 'doctor google', and it brought me across a site of women asking questions in regards to being pregnant, and examining every detail, and thinking that every little thing meant they were pregnant, and when other discredited their claims they always had a reason for why they could still some how be pregnant. For instance... the all to great, 'I think I started my period, but it was so light, I must be pregnant.' Or 'although the pregnancy test at the doctors office was negative, I must not be producing enough hcg to show a positive'. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to poke fun at these women. I simply want to express the joy that I have, that I am no longer 'that woman'. Yes, I will admit, I was once that bad. I would try to find any excuse to think I was pregnant... If I got a zit in a different spot on my face before my period started, I was convinced I was pregnant.

But, I can honestly say that I am now at a point where I don't feel consumed by this obsession. I know you are probably thinking-well duh, you have a baby now... No, I didn't just wake up one day, after we brought Izze home and change my opinion on my desire to bare my own children. This was something I had established before we even found out about her. But, only recently have I discovered that this is a full truth. I can finally be happy, not stress about counting days, laying on my back for a half hour after being intimate with my husband, or sitting in a doctors office waiting for my next perscription of Clomid.

Granted, having a baby helps, but it does not take away the desire to bare my own children/child. I still have that urning, but I no longer allow the depression to consume me, and I am so happy that I can finally feel pure joy for those around me who are blessed with children.

I know that my journey to parenthood was rough, and long at times, and shorter at others... But I am so grateful for the things that I have experienced. That being said, I would still never wish this upon my worst enemy. But, I am glad the Lord gives small mercys, and that we were blessed with Izzebel. I am also so grateful for being able to finally find peace, love, and patience. I pray for those living with infertility. That they too can find happiness.