Thursday, July 8, 2010

Enduring well

When I started typing this blog, it was one of those, cliche' pity me blogs. That allowed me to rant about how sad I was today. But, as I continued to type, it changed.

So this is what it turned into...

Learning to Endure well.

A few weeks ago, when AF graced me with her presence, I remember standing in the shower, feeling depressed, and thinking that I wasn't even going to start the Clomid, because I didn't want to even try. But later as I sat on the couch, all I could think was "That's Satan talking to you." I know by the Lord declaration that I am to be a mother, that Jon is to be a father, and we are to have an eternal family. It says so in both of our patriarchal blessings. It would be that easy for me to give up, to not try, to not endure.

I want to fight, I am not sure how much fight I have left in me, but I want too. I want to accomplish becoming a parent, I say accomplishment, because in all reality, becoming pregnant is pretty high on my list. I have other goals, and dreams, unfortunately they kind of involve having a family. But I have them.

I pray for strength, I pray for energy, and I pray for continuing comfort in my en devour. I know one day I will get the point where I am happy, I just don't know if that means with, or without children.

Only the Lord knows right? I wish he'd start sharing secrets!!!!