Envious..

First off.. I have to explain my title.. I am having birth mother envy.. I see and read all the cute other posting on Facebook, and blogs about adoptive families, with amazing Birthmoms.. and I really wish that Izze's birth mom had been that awesome.. It makes me sad, to think that over a year ago, we had made so many plans, wanted to include her in so many things, and now.. all we have are broken hearts over the relationship we will never have.. I am just hopeful, and have learned so much for the future. The things we want for our children, and the relationships with their birth mothers are key.. We have definately made a list of things we want for the future and how we can better our relationships with birthmoms.. and always, always know that honesty is key.

Alright, on to more eventful things, now that I have gotten that off my chest. My husband and I just celebrated our 3rd anniversary yesterday.. Needless to say it makes me one proud wifey to think I made it so far with my sweet husband!

He is my best friend, my gaming buddy, my sidekick, and the best person to take on adventures.. He keeps me grounded when I get a little out of hand, and I am so glad he takes me the way I am..

I love you baby with all my heart.

In other news, we have postponed baby making for now. We have both just come to a cross roads, and feel that having our own biological children will not be a possibility. Which I know for some people is disheartening to hear, espeically since we are still young. But, tomorrow is another day. Right? I am however working on regualting my cycle, and losing weight. If I can't have babies I might as well be fit and sexy right?

Here is to another year baby, of long talks, holidays with our daughter, and enjoying each other. To finishing school, starting our dreams, and improving who we are. So that way when 4 years comes around, we can look back and be proud of what we have accomplished.

ah, I work-out

Alright, it's Monday, beginning of the week... I know. Everyone dislikes Mondays, but today. This Monday... is gonna be a good day for me. Well and for the hubs as well. We started a new diet.. EEEK!!!

Alright, now that is out of my system.. I hate diets, I'll be honest, it's a lot more work to be skinny.. lol, or those who work at it, and keep the weight off.. you're me hero, you make it look so easy! I know, you are probably scolding me as you sit there and read this, so I will shut up, and just say kudo's you earned it..

To the res to of us, who genetics have not been so kind to us.. I have constantly battled being over weight my entire life.. as long as I can remember. Even in sixth grade I was, or well I thought I was fat and gross-thank you pubirty...

I look back now, and see the photos from when I was 12 and think, wow.. You looked great... I wish someone would have told me how beautiful I looked then.

Now, I am 24 and have lots to love.. everywhere on me.. But, I decided it was time to really change that.. I have this theory. If I can't be fat, and pregnant.. I might as well be skinny/healthy and infertile. I earned that much. Plus, it would be nice to be able to walk into any freakin' store and see something cute, and know that I will fit in it.

So, this is how this is gonna work.. My inlaws recently did/are still currently doing. This awesome diet. The best part is, no guessing. Grocery shopping list, for the whole week we will eat the same thing every day.. and now for some people they might think 'I couldn't eat the same thing every day'. Well, that's the genius of the system... because you eat the same thing every day, you get to make all the bulk things Sunday- Rice, chicken etc... dish it out.. put it in the fridge. Ready for the whole week.. GENIUS!

So for the next 12 weeks, I am gonna eat, and work it like no other.. I am gonna lose 30 lbs by the end of June!! Gulp.. I can do this...right?

I started my morning out with this tastey banana shake.. with oats. Yummy! I aslo have an egg burrito with salsa.. :)

So far.. so good. I figure if I can get through the first week, I can do this! Wish me luck.. Maybe at the end of 12 weeks I will post my before and after photos!! Which lets pray there is a difference in 12 weeks 'cause the before photos are just gross...

 Okay wish me luck.. Happy Monday everyone!

Oh and if you're wondering, the diet plan is called ' Live the Life' You can check them out HERE.



you wanna buy a sun dial?

Alright, not the best title to a blog.. But, When you see the last photo I have posted.. You'll totally get it, and have a good laugh. Just so you know. this is really hard for me.. I know you are probably thinking to yourself- What on earth could be so difficult? Well. For starters. It is probably the first time in a very very long time I have intentionally taken a photo of my whole body. For Secondly, I am putting said photos of my body up on my blog for all the critics of the world.. So, Yes. This is hard for me. But, honest to my word, and for my modivation, and more or less having someone to answer to. This is more or less setting my self up for success... or failure... Here is hoping to success!!

Pictures from all the terrible angles included... My best friend B, was so kind as to take this photos for me.. I can honestly I am very much looking forward to the 'after' photos..

At this moment.. I am not gonna be posting my weight.. Although I am sure you were on the edge of your seat waiting for those precious numbers... Perhaps later I will feel more confident in doing so. But, as of today, January 28th I am down 7 lbs from my start weight. Here is to hoping to more motivation, and to more weight loss. I am gonna go have a glass of water, and head to bed!!

So, wanna buy a Sun Dial?lol.

Thanks B

side note, with good juju!!

See this? This terrible photo.. taken with my cheap phone.. Yeah that right there are minus signs right next to the numbers...

I am now down almost 7 inches and 6.5 lbs. and I haven't even taken my before photos!! I gotta get on that! But, I just want to brag about this because I am super proud of myself!

I hope this give ya some motivation, I have only been working on this for almost two weeks, with hardly any effort(Seriously, I have done almost nothing, just watching what I eat mainly.) Alright I am for the weekend, going to take some before photos, and get them posted on her Monday afternoon, stay tuned!!

Hallelujah!!!

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!! you're not gonna believe it!!! I got my precious laptop up and running again.. for the second time.. I know, I know. I had issue with  the whole computer charger cord thingy, and thankfully that has all been resolved thanks to my in-laws. Love them!

On to other things.
*This part may be TMI, just sayin' you may wanna scroll all the way down to the bottom of the post. *

I finally decided to put on my big girl panties, and go in and have an annual done. Oh the joys of having your heels in stirrups, and a light shined at your crotch.. Thankfully this time, my best friend B recommended her nurse practitioner, Kellie, and I have to say. I really like having a female OB. I got a chance to sit down and talk with her before we decided to strip me naked. I got to express my concerns with my irregular cycles, and with my pcos, and potentially my thyroid. I had a whole list of concerns, and althought 8 weeks ago I was greatly considering using birth control to regulate my cycle. As of Monday this week, I had convinced myself to not do the birth control. We also talked about my diet, and losing weight, and managing my health issues to improve my chances of conception.

Then came the part, where she walked me to a room, pointed to the little paper cover, "put that on", and the paper sheet, "put that over your lap". Can I just tell you, I've never had an issue strippin' down to my bare bottom. But, really, being alone, in a new doctors office, stripping butt naked, and wrapping some thin paper around you, and then having to sit for 15 mins waiting for someone to come back in. Not, my idea of a fun morning. I will tell you however, the exam table I was sitting on, heated baby. I didn't notice it till I laid on my back, and thought to myself, wow my butt warmed this puppy up big time. Even though I spoke this thought out aloud, Kellie didn't even bat an eye, and shared that the table was heated for the comfort of the patients. THANK YOU!! Obviously a woman thought of this little feature.

Well, 5 quick mins later, I was told, I had no cyst or polyps in my uterus, and it was once again confirmed I have a tilted uterus. Then I was instructed to start taking prenatal vitamins.(free samples? Well don't mind if I do!) Then it was across the hall, to the lab to draw 5 viles of blood-UGH!- Where it took the sweet little gal about 5 mins to find a good vain, but man she popped those bad boys out fast. The next thing I knew, there was a 5 viles starring up at me from the equipment table. Thankfully I didn't faint, and my arm didn't hurt one bit.. It's moments like this, where I say to myself, why aren't there lollipops in the OBGYN's office?! I'm a big girl *refer to beginning of blog* I wore my big girl panties and everything! I treated myself to some granny smith apples. yum.

Now we wait. It's been over a year since we have actively have done anything about my infertility. I know that chances for me conceiving are still slim. I know that the forces of negative infertility are fighting us every step of the way. But, I am okay with that. I have excepted my infertility, and regardless of the fact that currently I cannot bare any children, or well at least I have yet to do so. It doesn't define me. I will be a mom.

I am excited for this new adventure, to be healthy, to finally get my body balanced, and to lose weight. It's time for a change, and to be happy.

I taste soap in my mouth!

First of all. This post has nothin to with soap. I serisouly taste soap in my mouth. Maybe it's due to the fact that I am terribly ashamed for my lack of blogging, I am gonna sulk over here in the corner for a moment.. Ugh.

Sulking done. Oh did you by chance see our Christmas photos? Silly me.. probably not, especially since I haven't been on here, and I have failed to post any. I can only post one, due to legal reason, and foster care.. :( All you get to look at our mine and Jon's ugly faces..
*If you're afraid of going blind.. look away now!!

Alright.. It isn't awful.. But, I wish I could post more. Until I can, this is what ya get! So, why you may ask did I decide to sit down and blog? Well.. I am starting, I am gonna change. I have started to realize I want all of these amazing things for myself, and I am not doing myself any justice, by not living healthy, and being happy in the body I want. So, screw new years resolutions, give it up for February Conquest! So, on Monday the 30th, I will post before photos, and my goals for myself and such.

I know kinda boring, but the good news is, if I can lose weight, and be healthy, committing to try again to make some babies will be a lot easier.. mainly because when it doesn't happen, I won't beat myself up for being infertile and fat. Trying to stay positive here...

Alright, well, I will write a more detailed blog in the next couple of days, but I felt I had to jump on here and get this out there to stay more committed to being healthy.

Here is to healthy living, positive self image, and to looking slammin' in a swim suit this summer! Lol, and if it doesn't happen you are NOT getting any photos of that!! Then you will go blind! LOL